A
female
age
51-59,
*erena70
writes:I am haunted with feeling humiliated and shamed from some drunken behavior that I did several years ago. Throughout high school I was always told I was fat and ugly and most people really didn't like me, I was pretty smart and obnoxious about it and very, very uncool. On the home front I was beaten verbally and physically on a regular basis but I always tried to act like I was the coolest thing on the planet. During graduation season ( was younger and not graduating) when I first started going out drinking, I went to many parties was drunk and hung all over guys trying to get "graduation" kisses (everyone was doing it) throwing my arm around them and telling them their girlfriends were ugly and why were they with them, (they actually were, at least no better than me). After each party I would learn how disgusting everyone found me and yet I did it another 2 times! At least 2 friends told me that there were ALOT of people all over the small town really mad at me. I have done a lot of work on myself but can't seem to get over this memory every now and then it pops up and I just get sick.Any thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): Oh my, if I still felt bad for all the times I made an ass of myself in high school then I would be busy regretting it all day. One thing you should consider before you beat yourself up one more time over that is this: It is more likely people remember you from high school as the cocky smart chick than a drunken party hussy. And it's almost guarranteed every single kid at that party did something stupid themselves. And if not at that particular party, then at another one. My point is, every kid who drinks does something they grow to regret. And a handful of parties don't cancel out all day every day of your normal attitude at school. Forget these people anyway. Do they still seem so cool now? Everyone acts like an jerk at some point so don't trip. That was a long time ago and you should move on. If everyone felt like you then I would still be cringing at the thought of the night I vaguely recall dancing on a table and then having to go back the nexy day to retrieve my shoes. But I just look back and thank God I lived to tell the damn story. And believe me, I didn't make very many fans either back then. But who the hell cares? That was 15 years ago. Good luck to you and don't trip anymore Lady, it's cool.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): You judge yourself very harshly but that implys you have a concience and you are aware of your actions...which say's you take responsibility for them, this is actually a good thing not bad. This past mistake you could actually turn into a positive experience because of what you have learnt.
P.s i am sure we all have past mistakes that haunt us..i sure do and prob alot more than you...but you have to learn to live with them and accept them for what they were mistakes....it is when we repeat mistakes we have a problem it means we never took the lesson.
Good luck keep happy ,who on this planet is perfect? none of us.
:) spunky monkey...
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 September 2011):
 I think you are on the right track to solving this problem by recognizing you have hurt people and even more importantly why you did it.
Reasons aside, to get over this you must simply apologize to the people you have harmed. Assuming they are still holding resentments towards you, you should contact people face to face, if possible and verbally apologize. For those that have moved on, a phone call will suffice.
Don't expect all of the people you harmed to be gracious, but I suspect most of them will be. These people will probably let bygones be bygones at this point, being that the said incidents occurred in high school.
If you cannot locate the people you harmed, I suggest performing 1 hour of community service somewhere in your area for each person you think you harmed. You may find the act of giving of yourself a cathartic experience that will help you get over the guilt.
Finally, don't beat yourself up too harshly over the past. Everyone one of us has done incredibly wrong things when we were younger. Some of the stuff I pulled back then makes my skin crawl and part of it is realizing that our teen years are filled with a lot of inner turmoil and rebellion. I think what you were doing back then was largely explainable and rationale. So remind yourself that you are human and fallible.
You may find it useful to read Dr Laura Schlessinger's "Bad Childhood, Good Life". I've heard it has helped a significant number of people who have had issues growing up in tough environments. In addition, if you haven't already talked to a counselor about what you went through growing up, I suggest you do consider it.
Be kind to yourself and others and best wishes.
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