A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can't get over someone i was seeing, i've tried SO hard but i just can't its so hard. We were seeing eachother for about a year and a half the only reason we werent in a relationship is because i wasnt ready. i knew he would end up meaning something to me from the first date,we clicked straight away the spark was there we were really attracted to eachother and never ran out of things to talk about, i basically ended up really falling for him-he said he felt the same. we ended because i had suspitions that he was seeing someone else, and the fact that he seemed to loose interest-not hugely but it was obvious his mind was somewhere else wen he was with me. i ended it. we didnt speak for a few months he then started to contact me again saying that his feelings that he once had for me were creeping up on him again. we talked about meeting up but it never happened. we're both similar in that we're too stubborn to make the first proper move. anyway its been months since we split! like 5 or 6 and i'm fine for a little while then somthing reminds me of him and i get very upset, i feel stupid contacting him telling him i still have feelings for him after its been so long-so i say nothing and avoid all contact. i've heard hes with someone else now and hes really falling for her hearing that just killed me. i feel so stupid i'm just hoping i didnt fall in love. I really have tried to get over him, after i found out he was with someone i realised it was time to officially move on so ive started dating again but nobody compares! i can't even allow anyone else to kiss or touch me it just doesnt feel right i don't think i could bring myself to have sex with someone else either. i went out on a date he was really nice, attractive and funny but then he went to kiss me i gave him the cheek then got in and cried just because dating started to feel so hopeless. i just don't know what to do i can't take this much longer. any advice would be very helpful,thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): thanks for your input..both of you. its just so hard,i can't let anyone new in..when i'm with other guys i just wish they were him. and hes so over me now. i know that everyone says that it just takes time 'times a healer' but how much time? i'm just so sick of suffering over this,i feel like ive lost someone really special..but yes your right he was my first love i think that does have something to do with why i'm hurting so much i havent felt like this about anyone before. We were so right for eachother though people have even commented on how happy we looked together. The main reason i fell for him the way i did is because we clicked so well. i just miss him i guess. i guess the key is to stay positive,after all i'm deffinately not the only young woman whos suffering right now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Actually IMHO a first break up is usually this way. After being in a relationship, even however it was, it is hard to go back to being single. You can't expect to feel the same for someone after one date as you did for him after however long you were together. There is no one and only for anyone. You will find someone else. As for this kissing incident, if pressed you should tell people you don't want to move so fast (as is evident from your first relationship). This is not bad, (I think people should do this more,) simply you need some time; if a person is worth being in a relationship with they will respect that. Go on dates and *have fun*, if you are too concentrated on finding 'the one,' you will put too much pressure on yourself you will get all bent out of shape (it's no fun and not very attractive). Love just happens, it will happen again. Give it some time, things will work out.
As for your ex. I assume he is the first person you have really loved. If he lost interest you have to let him go. He probably changed and the person you feel all that for is gone. Put your hopes and fears aside and figure out what about being with him made you feel what you felt for him, and look for that in other people. 99% of the time people don't marry the first person they love, and those that do typically don't develop the emotional skills/strength they need to cope in life.
"i just don't know what to do i can't take this much longer." Spend time with your girl friends. Find someone whose shoulder you can cry on, who you can vent to when you need to.
The first person I really loved knew I loved them. They loved me too but someone else came along and they walked away from me. It tore my heart apart, I had a hard time coping with it. Many many tears latter, and waking up in the middle of the night feeling that loved for them, finally I was able to let them go. And from that I learned a whole lot; which helped me immensely in other relationships. I am currently building a relationship with a person I really hope to marry, and now I know many many hows. Idk, I love them in a more complete/mature way than I have ever loved anyone; I never would have know back in the day. Confidence comes with experience, unfortunately not all experience is pleasant.
I wish you the very best.
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