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female
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anonymous
writes: I was with my my ex for about ten years. When we broke up he moved on to someone else really quickly. Although I was really hurt I have wanted nothing to do with him since the breakup. I felt that because he replaced me so fast I wanted him out of my life...no friendship thank you very much. The other day I saw him and his currrent girlfriend on the street and I crossed to the other side of the road so I would not even have to acknowlege them. He left a message on my answering maching asking why I would not even say hello to himself and his new girlfriend but the truth is that I just do not feel like it. Friends tell me that I should be courteous but in freezing him out like this there is no danger that I will be rude either. I am too proud to want to have anything more to do with him. Is it wrong to take this stance....it is working for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2006): No, it is not wrong for you to take this stance at all. If it is working for you as you say, stick with it. Your ex should understand and respect this, and I personally think he's being a bit selfish to expect anything else just for the sake of having things smoothed over neatly for himself and his new relationship.
I can see why your friends might consider your behaviour discourteous, especially if they are mutual friends of you and your ex, but they should also respect the fact that this stance works for you at this difficult time and accept it for the time being. I'm sure if you make your reasons clear, they will understand and support you.
In the meantime, if I were you I'd start going further afield to socialise, as you'll get a change of scene, meet new people and be able to relax and enjoy yourself without the thought that you might bump into your ex and his girlfriend. In my experperience, a change of scene to one that you don't associate with your ex, and new people that never knew the two of you together, works wonders for the healing process.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (24 November 2006):
 I don't think you are being rude at all. If this coping mechanism works for you, then that is fine. You were with this guy for a very long time and it's not easy to face an ex and his new girlf afterwards. I don't think you are wrong, rude or a bad person to avoid him. Freeze him for as long as it is necessary for you. Since he is happily in a new relationship, you aren't causing him that much distress. He should be able to understand and respect where you are coming from - ask this from your friends too.
But btw if there is ever a time that you don't feel the need to cross the street - don't do it automatically. If there is ever a time when you feel healed enough to be courtious then be so - it's then easier and better for everyone.
Keep looking after yourself first in a situation like this. Your ex isn't there for you anymore, so you need to be!!! Get your own state of mind sorted first is a good priority. Keep going!
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