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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi I have a major problem!My ex boyfriend and I were together nearly 3 years. We both live with parents and I found he was very much under his mother's thumb as she has been divorced from his dad for many years. He lives with her. I live with both parents. I am 25 he is 26.In the summer last year everything started to go wrong and he started being very nasty to me. He didn't want to go out and hardly paid me any attention. I felt neglected. I went on holiday with a friend and snogged a guy just because it made me feel wanted again, + I had spoken to my bfriend that night from abroad and he had told me 'now is not a good time to call'! That made me feel even worse!Things went on badly again for a few months then he went on a friends stag do. A week later I found out that he too had snogged a girl. I then admitted I had done the same. What is worse though is he had spent a lot of time with her whilst away and arranged to see her back in the UK also, even though she was from another country! We split as he said he had been unsure about us for ages.I met someone else after some time out from men. He is a great guy and we went away together for a week's holiday and it's weird as we connect so well. He adores me and I know when he says he will do anything for me he will!For some silly reason after the holiday with my new boyfriend my ex tried to win me back and said he had made a huge mistake. I thought it was silly to throw away 3 years so went back and told the other guy I was unsure of what I wanted even though I loved him! I needed to try otherwise I may regret it. He was so great to start with but now he has me it seems the novelty has worn off (again)! He wants to take me away next weekend and I am unhappy and don't feel I can go. When i say I am unsure again he is all nice again. I think he has some problems as he is like Jekyll and Hyde! I shouldn't commit to a life with someone who makes me feel so uncertain and uncomfortable should I? He has said he wants us to buy a house together and get married.I feel I made a big mistake finishing the relationship with the guy I had been with a few months as I have never felt quite so relaxed and at ease with anyone before or so bowled over. When I was with him it seemed nothing else mattered. When with my bfriend of years I often feel on edge thinking 'there is so much more to life than this'. The bfriend of years has a better job and perhaps I thought because of this we would have a more stable life together, but I have realised that having someone who treats you well and that you have a deep connection with is so much more meaningful and important. Please help with your views. I think I may have a chance of getting the one I want back even though I hurt him so bad. I am ashamed of treating him so badly and realise how important he is to me. :( xx
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divorce, my ex, on holiday, stag Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, evelinewan  +, writes (5 March 2007):
get back the guy that you like and feel secured with, why abandom such a good relationship for a guy who is being unstable and making you uncomfortable. Plus, he doesn't truly love you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): It seems you have already answered your own questions. You're right...you cant spend your life in a relationship you question constantly. That's not fair on you or your boyfriend. If you feel it was a big mistake finishing with the other guy, it probably was. I say, if you have a chance at happiness with him again, go for it. Your boyfriend will no doubt be hurt by your decision, but he will get over it and so will you. Best of luck to you.
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