A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 16 year old girl and a few months ago I stupidly and carelessly "hooked up" with this guy I didn't know too well. Please don't tell me I'm an idiot because trust me I've told myself that everyday since. Before that I'd never soo much as held hands with a guy let alone anything else. So anyway we were making out a little and he was well touching me and he, I don't want to say forced but kind of made me feel like I should, so tried to make me give him a blowjob. Totally new to me I only did it for a few seconds and he tried to get me to "deep throat" but I couldn't (I purposely put no effort into trying). Long story short I didn't like any of it like I thought I would. My first sexual experience and first kiss and I felt nothing. I regret it so much and hate the fact that that's the memory that will haunt me forever. So anyway, I wonder whether I felt nothing because it was my first everything and I was an amateur or because I had no feelings for him? I know you're thinking why did I do it then. I don't know? I guess I was tired of being the college virgin who hadn't even held hands with a guy before (just to be clear we didn't actually have sex), so yeah I guess you could say peer pressure got the best of me for a moment. Will my next experience be better?
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male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (31 January 2016):
Maybe it was a poor experience but it sounds like you sure learned a lesson. So it wasn't all bad.
Your sexual experiences don't improve just because of having more of them. In your case, your experience was disappointing because you hooked up with a guy "you didn't know too well" and went ahead with it for the wrong reason.
You'll find sex is terrific when you have it with someone you love and you know that person loves you, too. Wait for that time and you'll feel a lot better about yourself and your sexual experiences. And ditto on requiring your partner to wear a condom!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2016): Sweetheart, I think the best lessons to learn first is what not to do. Chalk this up to your first experience. It didn't go well; because you allowed him to pressure you. Instead of allowing things to happen according to how you feel about him, and how he feels about you.
Choosing some guy at random to throw away your virginity will make you feel bad. That's a good thing, because you're not supposed to feel good about behaving like you have no class and upbringing. You and your parents deserve better than that.
Please don't feel bad or stupid. By no means judge yourself the way you think others will. Most often when we do, we inflict unnecessary distress on ourselves. You are a good girl and you've beaten yourself up enough already.
Guys usually want to see how far they can go, and sometimes their respect for you rests on how far that is. It's expected for a boys to want to go too far too fast, but it's your responsibility to slow him down, or stop him when you feel it is appropriate.
Everything will happen as fast, or slow, as you want it too. If the guy is too aggressive, "NO" is the word. Aggressive or older boys will not respect your wishes. They may pressure you into doing what he wants; knowing you're inexperienced. Some guys will even go as far as to chide or embarrass you into thinking you're stupid. Or being a tease.
You shouldn't do anything you know will make you feel cheap or sleazy. That means you let him do all the thinking, while you played dumb. The bad part about that is, he'll know it. Do NOTHING under the influence or drugs or alcohol.
Only let things happen that you feel you're ready for. Give a boy time to really like you. That makes it special. Any boy will want sex, if he knows the opportunity is there.
Virginity is not an illness or social disease. It is a phase or stage in your life where you're mentally and physically preparing for sex. Establishing romantic feelings, and where to direct them. Learning about your sexual-identity. The time is only right when your mind is prepared to accept it, then the body is ready. The boy is only right when he allows you time to decide; and will be willing to wait if that is necessary.
Never ever ever, let a boy talk you into intercourse without a condom. Girls your age are the worst at making those decisions. There are dire consequences for it. Learning the hard way is usually the result. Pregnancy or an STD. Read the posts here on DC about it, and learn.
Always let a boy know, you are in charge of your body. Things will only happen when you want them to. Immediately get yourself out of situations you can't handle. Do not just submit to get his approval. It will feel like rape when it's over.
No, it isn't smart to allow boys to push you around. Nor "dog" you into performing oral-sex like a prostitute. That's the kind of boy who will talk about you to his mates; and treat you disrespectfully. He should be gentle and sweet. He should show you how he cares for you.
Not just the first time, but every time!
You should be careful and not get yourself into sexual situations when you have no idea what you're doing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 January 2016):
 Will my next experience be better?
THAT is entirely up to you. Now you know that doing things because you "feel" others expect you to, doesn't mean you HAVE to do them.
Hooking up doesn't work well for people with little to no experience. So in the future no casual hook ups if THAT is not what you really want.
I think the biggest reason you "felt nothing" was because you did it with someone you didn't care for or have feelings for. Sex is VERY different when you REALLY like a person.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (31 January 2016):
 Your next experience is in the future and the future isn't written yet. My advice would be to slow down. You are going to get a reputation as a little slag - the village bike - if you carry on like this.
You don't have to prove anything. Find someone decent and learn to love them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2016): Hey nobody will judge you, you live in the UK and you are at the age of consent so whatever you choose to do sexually is entirely up to you!I'm 31 now and the first guy I ever kissed was the first guy I ever had sex with at the age of 16. Neither of us had experience, everything was just awkward and it didn't feel pleasurable. The pleasurable part of sex comes when you get a little older, you are confident and you don't feel like you are bad person for having sexual contact with somebody.I don't know anybody in the entire world who enjoyed their first time. I can't say, as a woman, that I even found his penis attractive. It actually quite scared me! Funnily enough he said the same thing about my private parts! It's scary when you first have sexual contact with somebody, your nerves are getting the better of you but honestly you haven't done anything wrong. Don't panic!One thing I will say though is don't feel like you're weird because you are the last person to have sex. Trust me guys will love knowing that you waited a while before having sex. You have a long life ahead of you and there's rush to do any of this
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2016): Dont worry, it wont hunt you forever:). You will forget about him and very soon.
you didnt like the kiss because you dont like the guy, simple as that.
Do only what you want, dont let a guy dictate what you should be doing
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A
female
reader, Questing for Love +, writes (30 January 2016):
 My advice is that perhaps things didn't go too well because although you're "tired of being the college virgin," you still didn't fully want to participate in these actions. I think you're definitely right that it was most likely peer pressure that led you into doing something you simply weren't ready for. Do not rush into things for this reason that you provided. If it makes you feel better, I'm 21 and have never even held hands with a guy either, but that's because I know at the moment I simply have no desire to get into dating and all that. Why force myself into doing something I truly don't want to do yet?As for your next experience, make sure it's something you truly want to do 100%. If there is absolutely any doubt in your mind whatsoever I'd say DO NOT go through with it, otherwise you'll end up feeling exactly the way you do now. Your next experience will only be pleasant if you REALLY are into what you're doing.
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