A
male
age
41-50,
*ourie
writes:we have been married for four years, mostly good times, but when we fight it gets ugly, and yesterday for the first time ever i slapped her after she kicked me during a very heated fight. the worst part about it is that this all took place in front of my 3 year old son, who is now afraid of me.how will i ever make things right between my wife and i, and how will i get my son to trust me, and not to fear me? i have turned into someone that i myself don't like, but do not know how to fix it, i have done something that i swore i would never do, because my father used to do it, and i swore i would never be like that, but i have become just like him. i know that i have broken her heart and trust, but it feels like a part of me has died because of what i did. i never wanted to be labelled as an abusive husband and bad father, how do you ever get out of this black pit? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 you've planted the seed of yet another abuser(he'll grow up thinking it's 'normal' to kick/hit and yell) so, in one way it's too late, in another,it's an opportunity to grow closer(all3) It's depending on you so be careful!! why not go to a proffessional?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): i never like to hear anyone hitting/kickin/abusing anyone. You and your wife both need to learn better ways to resolve your differences. I have never ever hit a partner. And i have never ever been hit /abused in a relationship. But if it ever happened i would leave immediately. I would also expect the abuser to get help before i would sit down and renegotiate the boundaries in the relationship so that it was clear that real men do not abuse their partner. There is no justification. I dont agree with you being kicked. But you lashing out cannot be defended. It is unacceptable behaviour. And with help and support and examing how better to deal with frustration and anger - without help - you will do it again. Domestic abuse is so ugly. It often ends in death. You have a lot of work to do to rebuild
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I guess you need to learn from your mistakes, this should never have taking place in front of a three year old as this will effect him big time he may now fear all men. You need to work hard in making him trust you again, when you talk to him speak gently to him and dont raise your voice in front of him, get down to his level when you speak to him like go on your knees and talk to him with your faces at the same level, show him lots of love and affection and hopefully through time he will begin to trust you again.
As for your wife i understand that she is hurt but she kicked you first its always a typical hunch that when men hit women its just awful but when it is reversed it doesnt seem like a big deal when its just as bad, therefore if she physically kicked you first then she also needs help for her anger just as much as you, you are both in the wrong not just you and she needs to accept some of the resbonsibility as well, talk things out with her and maybe you could go to marriage councelling together or even anger management classes.
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