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female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfreind/ exhusband and I have been together for over 20 years. Our realsonship has had many ups and downs (hence exhusband) Ten years ago we started a business that has been very sucessfull. Three homes, a forty thousand dollor boat, alot of money in the bank, and a business worth over two million dollars. The problem is that all of these assets are in his name. I collect (work for) a check every week, bringing home $600. And he provides a roof over my head, food, and a vechcle. In his mind he is being very generace to me. Even though I put my heart and soul in the business just as he has. Working weekends, nights and holidays. With my money I supplement my 30 year old daughters income, who has 2 small children and no child support, my hair and nail care, and clothes. He says I blow all my money and he will never give me access to HIS money. I recently asked him if I could BORROW money to buy a home in my name, he said absolutely not. I am losing my mind or is he being very selfish.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): He's already paying for your rent, food and car. And he doesn't touch "your" money which you give to your daughter and spend on your hair/nails/clothes, so why should you have access to "his" money?
it's not about whether he has enough money that he could afford to lend to you if he wanted. that's not the point, I'm sure he does. The issue is that (a) you have your money and he has his, you're not entitled to his anymore than he is entitled to yours (b) he doesn't trust that you'll pay him back, and he has the right to not lend anyone money if he doesn't trust them. this is not a small amount of money we're talking about here if it's for a house!
just accept that you're not married to him anymore and for whatever reasons (maybe naivete on your part) you were never a co-owner of the business so you are not entitled to his money just as he's not entitled to yours. He's already paying for your rent and daily living expenses. over time these really add up to a significant amount of money. If someone else were paying my rent, food and car, my life would be very different!! so it could be argued your years of dedicated help in building his business is being adequately compensated so you don't get to use it to claim a moral high ground.
if you need more money you're just going to have to earn it, raise it by selling off stuff, saving up, or borrow it from someone else who does not have a mistrust of you and will believe that you'll pay them back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2012): how is it that you two started the business together, yet he is the business owner and you're just a regular employee with no claim other than a weekly paycheck?
I would say that this relationship is very unequal. he has all the power even though you've put in as much effort. Maybe he's the owner because he took on all the risk in starting the business? (such as was he the one who invested his own money and took financial risks to get the business going). if so then I'm afraid to say that it's only fair that he's the owner but if so then you need to accept that you don't have any claim to the business you're just an employee paid to work long hours for him, the boss. Your hard work is compensated for by the paycheck you receive. and I hope you're getting health benefits too!
You may be a very hardworking employee like working nights and weekends, and you may be very dedicated to the work but if he is taking the financial risks (like if the company goes bankrupt he loses his savings and goes into debt, not you; or he is the one who has to answer to shareholders not you) then he has more stake in it than you so it's only right that he's the owner.
if you need money, can you get a loan?
I also caution that this is a big reason not to mix work with relationships. maybe it's better if you don't work for him, if you want to maintain your relationship with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2012): If you really need the loan, Why not suggest a lawyer writes terms for the loan repayment?
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