A
female
age
36-40,
*andy25
writes:Hi everyone,I've never done this before. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I have lots of friends and the few I have told - i have trusted their opinion but i would like to hear more....opinions.My boyfriend of 8 Months has recently 'disappeared'. It's been 18 days since I last spoke to him on the phone. His parents have left the country and have given him the role of taking over their family business. SO I KNOW it's stressing him out. However - I'm unsure and I assumed thats the reason. So, I have called, I have texted and I get nothing. It was only till last week Wednesday I went to his house and left a quick note saying: What is going on, you need to tell me.He texted me that evening with: I'm sorry, I just get really anxious when I see you're calling me or when I'm about to call you. I'm sucha weird guy.- What does that mean?- Few notes about this guy: he believes 1 phone call a day is fine. So i compromised and i'm okay with that. i get really annoyed when I don't hear from him in 2 days....but communication for 18 days - I'm livid.- I don't know what to do? - I doubt he's cheating on me- after all the calls and texts....if he wanted to break up with me...wouldn't he?- I'm thinking about going over to his house today to confront him. Not YELL or talk to him about OUR relationship but listen to what he has to say....
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female
reader, candy25 +, writes (17 February 2011):
candy25 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello everyone - update. After I posted this I 'broke' up with him on my end. Two months later i felt the need to call him again and he wrote me a long email about how a jerk he feels and that he has social, emotional, anxiety issues. He said he wasn't cheating he said he never played me. He said he wishes he could call me but he can't. MORON.I basically said that his 'answers' were not good enough especially since he NEVER talked to me on the phone or in person about this situation.He's a jerk and people with this sort of mentality say far away from them.I'm going to leave my post up here and for anyone who is going through similar experience(s) .....take everyone advice. The guy isn't worth it and is just wasting your time.I've been really hurt by this....but I know in time. I will end up with better.Thank you again everyone.
A
female
reader, candy25 +, writes (3 September 2010):
candy25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Thank God for the advice of "You Wish" She is the only lot of you that actually has a clue as to what this guy is doing.
Don't bother with communicating with him or drawing a line in the sand. He has control of this relationship and it looks like he is hedging his bets with another girl now, or that he wants to end your relationship altogether.
He will be aloof, annoying and remote until you get angry with him and then force the break up so he doesn't feel bad for just breaking up with you for (what would appear to be) no good reason.
Just move on and find someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): I think you going over to see him is a good idea. But I wouldn't worry about confronting him. I think you deserve an explanation, so if you want answers, don't be afraid to ask him what is going on with the relationship. It may be hard, and you may not want to trouble him, but you need to know. And it is only fair that he explains himself.
I personally don't think he sounds very interested or keen on the relationship as you are. I am sorry for how he is being so distant. I can understand him being busy, but I think if he cares about you he would want to talk to you and know how you are. So I am not sure if he really feels that serious about the relationship. Were things okay before all of this? Or have there been issues in the past? It could be stress, but even so it's still not much of an excuse.
Try and speak to him about it, but if he continues to be this way I would reconsider the relationship. If he can't make more of an effort, he is not worth your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): I don't think you should assume he is cheating as per the previous reply. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. There could also be some real family issue he is struggling with and not feeling capable to share. In the dark, you are just making assumptions.
The key issue is he is not communicating at all, and the most important factor in any successful relationship is good communication.
I would insist on a face to face meeting. Focus on what you want - to understand the real reason why he is not communicating, and get his commitment to start communicating and treating you with some consideration and respect. If he edges around this, then kick him to the curb.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): From what I read and my opinion is that he sounds standoffish. There are multiple reasons that may contribute to it. One, and prob the most likely, is that he is dating someone else. I know you hate to hear it but sometimes we just need to hear things. Go with your gut feeling! Stand up to him if you need to. Your happiness should be priorty number one in your eyes.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Hmm...not to sound too negative, but his answer to you about being "anxious" when you call him or he's about to call you is a load of BS. If someone has feelings for someone else, especially within the first year of dating, they think about that person often and look forward to being with them more than anything. It's understandable to be busy, but to "disappear" for 18 days and have "anxiety" issues about communicating can only mean one thing:
He's seeing someone else. That's a serious indicator that he's keeping you on the side of whatever primary relationship he's into right now. I can understand a few days disappearance when one is busy, but even during that time, a quick text, email, or 5 minute phone call during this busy time is a good boost, and a goal to get together whenever the temporary craziness is over with is usually the normal behavior, not a 3+ week disappearance and a BS story about "anxiety".
I'm guessing that earlier in the 8 months, he wasn't quite like this. He doesn't have the spine to break up with you, and he's hedging his bets with whatever other girl he's dating now with you.
Before confronting him, you might want to do some quick research on him - his Facebook/myspace presence, maybe a quick surveillance of his activities when he thinks you're not around, and if you know and talk to his friends, their demeanor towards you will say a lot.
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