A
female
age
30-35,
*evonique
writes:I'm 14 and haven't seen my dad since i was three he started callin me last year but every couple of months he tells me he hates me and that i wont amount to anything (other stuff but very inapropriate) then he turns around and acts like it never happened. i do alot of cryind and sad to the piont that i dont eat for weeks and become sick but everytime i forgive him b/cuz i love him....should i forgive him again? and does he love me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): In what circumstances did this happen? Were these his exact words, darling? There are divorced fathers who create time to visit their children, to contribute to their well-being and education. I'm sure you missed a father's support during his absence, I'm sure in compensation you hoped to have a good relationship when and IF he returned. Unfortunately, your relationship is not ideal, nor is likely to become so. Most certainly your dad has emotional problems or has SPIT these remarks while drunk or in outbursts of fury etc - the obvious is his behaviour is causing you an UNDESERVED hard time. You're too young to be facing this all alone, therefore you should tell your mother, to think of solutions to manage this problem together - and the extent to which you will tolerate him in your vicinity! But you ARE old enough to understand your relationship with him is far from perfection and with him being seemingly incapable to bring you in his proximity with fatherly protection and kindness, you can't expect much from its evolution. In this respect, you are unlucky. But perhaps you have other advantages, other close relatives supportive of you, or a couple of friends you can rely on. Any stranger that says is your dad must learn to conquer your appreciation, NOT because you requested so - which might be unappropriate, but because he steps into a new order, a family - and you can't appreciate a person or his reasons, since you haven't met either, particularly the former. Being angry for his behaviour will not help you, being serene WILL... hard though it may seem as the matter is recent, but it is most indicated. Any protective father would think of the echoes his words will have upon the child's feelings and his management of them in relationships for example. For the moment you will need to learn to accept these hard times as such and expel any guiltiness you may feel, since you can't control other people's actions and words. Be strong, as you will found your own family later in life and this experience has taught you how important is to care for certain family values. Best wishes.
A
female
reader, LoveAgonyAuntxx  +, writes (27 December 2007):
Dear devonique,
Well first of all, you should ignore the hae bit and dont get yourself sick, if your mum doesnt know then tell her about it,you should forgive im because he is your dad, but because he says it sooo maNy times, it gets out of hand. When e calls and says he hates you, drop the phone and call him back, if it continues, then ignore im, even though you still love him.
LoveAgonyAuntxx
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