A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I am in my early fourties haven't had sex in ten years of my life I was wondering will my sex drive go away if I don't hurry up and have sex.I don't use vibrators, no sex toys period I just try to keep my mind on other things like every day life.I desire to be sexually active one day but for now I just say no.There are so many guys here in the state I live in that would love to have a born again virgin I jus don't know why I shy away from being in a relationships pretty soon my organ aren't going to work then I will be known as the young woman to turned old because she stop having sex to early:( Help:(
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 May 2013):
 One of the loveliest things about sexuality is that there's no such thing as "If you don't use it, you lose it".
First, it's okay not to use vibrators or toys or whatever, but self-pleasure is one of the healthiest things you can do for your physical and mental and emotional well-being. Physically, it keeps down blood pressure, maintains regular muscular activity, and your brain releases healthy pleasurable endorphines on a regular basis. Mentally, it keeps you calm, clear, much less stressed, and gives you a nice feeling of peace whenever you want. Emotionally, you rely on no one for your sexuality, meaning you'll never ever have to feel desperation, and it helps you when you do get a partner because knowing your own body is amazing for when you can show someone what you like. It also helps you let go during sex, which is essential for a healthy sex life. For those who are religious, the bible says nothing bad about it!
Other than that, don't put sex on a pedestal, put finding a good match at the forefront, and keep things natural. Find a guy who has values similar and compatible with your own, and the rest works itself out naturally.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 YES your sex drive will fade away when we come to experience the next phase of our life with Menopause. Although you have a few more years before that phase begins and it still doesn’t entirely disappear after that either.Meanwhile if all else is healthy and sound; it seems that by you disciplining your mind to keep active on every day life and keeping focus in order to guard yourself from temptation in the last 10 years or so…This conditioning of the mind has naturally made one shy away from relationships. The mind has not been given permission to move forward or explore the areas of which you now desire.As you know, the brain is the biggest sex organ and with that many barriers for self preservation are made, so for your desires to take effect; you would need to relax and ‘give yourself permission’ to at least ‘think’ about a relationship, as this alone will not compromise your values etc. Once you relax, the rest will follow in accordance to nature.Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 May 2013):
 If you're this concerned about your sex drive and having a relationship, why don't you try to figure out why you "shy away from being in a relationship"?
So you're in your early 40s and haven't been sexually active since your early 30s? Did you have a major life event (death of a loved one, divorce, job loss, medical issue) that may have caused you to avoid intimate relationships?
Are you physically healthy and your hormones balanced? If you don't know, find out.
Is there a religious or other reason that you avoid masturbating?
There really isn't enough information here to give you specific advice.
If you have had a major life event and haven't recovered after 10 years, it's time to seek counseling. A physical with your doctor, including hormone levels and discussing your concern about your loss of libido over time, would be a sensible thing to do, don't you think?
I think you just need to find out the answer to your own question, no one here can do this for you: "I jus don't know why I shy away from being in a relationships"
You are concerned enough to ask about it. Why not really be brave and talk to a good doctor?
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 HI
What happened in your life that you have not been active sexually for so long? a little bit more info would be good here. But to answer your question NO, you could not have sex for 20 yrs it wouldn't mean you never would again AND enjoy it. You just have to find the right person that makes you feel so desirable that you WANT to.
Mandy x
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