A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have very very strong feelings for a guy at work. But he's my manager. For the past 3 years I have been crazy about him. I have tried my best to hide it. After all, it's not fair for someone to feel that kind of pressure. After the first year of working at X I went away on holiday. We didn't see each other for 3 weeks and when I return I felt he was working up to asking me out. I felt panicked because he is 'the boss'. So I didn't flirt back. However, after him flirting like mad for 3 days I made the decision that I did like him, and would date him if he asked me out. But I was too late. By then he'd already interpreted my behaviour as a sign I didn't like him. Ever since that day we have engaged in the following ritual. For 2 weeks I will be very nice and upbeat around him. I'll ask him about his day, his weekend, his life. I'll compliment him on his clothes, make jokes, be nice to him. In return he'd be a bit nice. Most of the time though, he'll tell me to go away, tell me off for not working hard enough or just ignores me. Then I get pissed off at him and promise myself I deserve better. Then he acts all nice to me again and it starts all over again. I wish I could just get over him but I can't. I feel a strong sexual attraction towards him and I'm convinced he feels the same. To help me deal with this stupid crush I tried to focus on this other guy. He's really nice to me and compliments me, hugs me, asks me about my day and makes me feel special. The problem is he's convinced my manager is in love with me and so won't ask me out. I don't feel a very strong attraction to him either but I would love to have feelings for him because he is a really nice guy and respects me. So, to recap, most of my collegues are convinced my manager really fancies me, the guy I want to date is convinced my manager is in love with me. My manager treats me with no respect and certainly does not act like he loves me. I want to date someone who loves and respects me, but I can't get over my manager. What do I do?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 Maybe it's time to switch jobs. You are stuck in an endless vortex that is taking you no where. You can't even see the obvious possibility that you should be dating someone outside your office altogether. The waters are way too muddy where you work for you to make any logical choices. And every guy you might get involved with will have the potential to end in a tangled mess which pollutes your work enviornment. If you want my opinion you boss never loved you. He was mildly attracted to you at the beginning...Maybe but more than likely it was just a way to get to know you so he could assess you as his employee and determine what you're made of. Now he's treating you like crap, which I think is his true personality. Can you imagine if you would have gotten romantically involved? Your life would have been hell. Stop spending so much time focusing on the men in your offfice. Make friends outside your office and find some guys to get involved with that don't work in your office. It's the only way. Besides, your boss may be married or attached and he's just playing you.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 September 2012):
 There is a difference between flirting and asking out. The only difference is that you are either asked out, or not asked out. Anything in between is just mind games.
I don't favor office dating but you would have gone out with your manager already if he had just asked you out. He fully understands office policy, the pros and cons of asking you out, and your concerns. I am afraid he just wants to flirt with you and that's it, because it strokes his ego and it feels good. Since you didn't flirt back he took it personally, felt insulted and is disrespecting you by putting you down, basically trying to get his power back. Your manager is unprofessional. Getting over him should be easy. It just takes time.
I am not too convinced about the other guy and his intention. I don't believe he wants anything serious but is just using a tactic that you may like better. He also doesn't want to cause problems by liking you. I think you should just date guys outside of your work place.
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