A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I'm in a new relationship and I'm very desperate for help. My boyfriend and I have been together for only a couple of months but we were 'talking' for a long time before we got together.Everything has been perfect except for the fact that my boyfriend is sort of a flirty guy and I've noticed this flirty behavior on a couple of occasions now and I'm also having trust issues. A few days ago he met and starting talking to this girl. I've noticed how flirty she has been being with my boyfriend and honestly my boyfriend has been being flirty back to her. It just threw me completely off guard to see because he's always told me he's not the type to flirt and he's been hurt a lot in the past from his ex's flirting with other men. It's making me over react and think so much about it and I don't know how to stop. I've been over thinking about all of this like if they've been talking a lot, if they're being flirty with each other, could my boyfriend possibly be starting to like her, etc. I've just been over reacting and thinking way too much into it. I know how my boyfriend is, he gets attached and falls for girls extremely easy, and I'm scared he can just easily find another girl who is better than me and like her and want to be with her.I feel like a stupid insecure crazy woman to be honest. I don't know how to talk about any of this with him.I really care about and love this guy and I don't want to mess things up but this trust stuff is making me crazy. I've always had trust issues with people. I'm hoping someone can relate to this situation or relate to how I am and how I have trust issues and give me some advice on how to handle it when he's being flirty or just how to handle this situation in general.Thank you all for your time
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (16 September 2013):
 I want say I had this issue before but I experienced being on both ends flirty one and insecure one. I would use affirmations about him being with you. The flirt may be seen as flirting bit really it's not. Other women to may want to date him and try him out they may have more to offer that's just a part of the dating lifestyle. Why can't you express this to him. I was with someone very attractive a lot or people want bit he wasn't my boyfriend and I would be so jealous of his friends cousins and other women having his attention. I was in possessive mode so I came back to regular friend mode with him it worked out better also.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): This is your trial relationship to learn how to deal with jealousy and insecurity.
If you know you had trust issues, has it ever occurred to you that you have to do something about your trust issues?
You don't just tell people you have trust issues and think they just have to put up with them. News flash, they don't.
You have to get a grip on your insecurities; if you want to have a relationship with anyone. Work on them until you have them under control. That will make you a better woman, and you'll have your pick among quality boyfriends.
If you don't, you'll spend a lot of time crying over breakups. That's a big promise. You can't march into a relationship and just say, this is how I am, take it or leave it.
I assure you, in very little time; they will leave it.
Now back to your flirty boyfriend.
First of all, as his girlfriend, you have every right in the world to suggest that he get a grip on how he handles other females. You don't have to tolerate blatant exchanges in your presence; like you're a total idiot, and you don't have eyes or feelings. Put your foot down about it.
Don't spin your head and spit-up pea-soup. Don't go into bitch-mode. Just firmly make your point. He has to know it embarrasses you, hurts your feelings, and you won't stick around if it's a habit he can't control. Demand respect.
Girls who stick around when boyfriends disrespect them, send out a message to all guys. She's desperate and not really worth having as a girlfriend. The guy can do whatever he pleases, and she'll cling on like lint; and just nag about it. He'll get used to the nagging and whining; and just ignore you and keep it up behind your back. This you will learn in time. He has to know there are consequences. If he cares and wants to keep you, he'll make sure you know he does.
Good guys don't need warnings. They know how to behave with a good woman.
So you'll have to learn to tell a guy, if he wants you to stick around; he'll have to be good to you. You can always find somebody else. If he calls your bluff. Be a woman, and walk away.
Know what you're worth. There are just as many hot guys out there for you, as girls for him. Listen to the lyrics to Beyonce's songs. They teach young girls to be strong.
Now you mentioned he told you a load of crap about how he was hurt by his exes flirting.
Well tell him if he doesn't like it, don't do it to you. Or he can add you to his list of exes.
Then once he knows, no more nagging or whining about it. Lay down the law, and just be the sweet pretty young lady that you are. Other guys are checking you out every time you're seen in public. He knows it. So, he'd better watch out.
Now lets make sure you get your insecurities under control.
If you're hypersensitive; because of what he said, you'll explode every-time he smiles or talks to another girl.
Such immature behavior will cure itself. He'll get tired of you behaving that way, and dump you. That will be your first lesson about over-reacting out of jealousy.
WiseOwlE can be a little harsh. I just want to make sure you're paying attention, and realize the power you have as a young woman.
Don't abuse it, use it when it is applicable. Having a relationship takes work, maturity, and patience. It's still supposed to be fun for the both of you.
You're together because you really like each other enough to give up being with other people. Make sure the both of you stick to that rule.
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