A
male
age
41-50,
*ranscowboy
writes:Ok, here is the thing i just turned 26 and im starting to get to the point where i want to settle down, find a nice woman to spend my life with that shouldnt be to hard right. The problem is i am extremely shy. so i don't talk to women. i dont know what to do, all my friends tell me to go out to bars and clubs. That's not me. i work all the time. I have tried the dating sites and they dont help. What else should i do??
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 Hi,
good advice from other people here, but one thing I think should be mentioned. If you are a workaholic it can really turn girls off. New relationships need both partners to spend time together, you might be earning a load of money but what good is it if you can't spend time outside work meeting people.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, korculan queen +, writes (11 February 2008):
Hi mate. I was in an abusive marriage for 7 years and left him and took two and half years healing and like you I am shy and did not want to do the pub/club scene to find a male and as I work in a women's shelter the chance of me finding a male there is zip as we call the police when a male comes near the place! So I went on the internet after much praying and thought and have met the most wonderful partner now. We have been going together for 6 months now and he is shy also and he went also on the internet site with the same thoughts and broken marriage and we have really made a connection. I think in some ways it is safer in that you can qualify a person by their beliefs over the net. I know some lie but if you are discerning you can sort the wheat from the chafe pretty quickly. Mate get out there cause lots of women beautiful women are just as shy as you. Meet for coffee first for a few times and go from there. Shy guys are usually what we women like cause you're not up yourself and you aren't out there like some ken doll saying look at me ladies. That is a big turn off for me. Having said that it is good to be confident but not overly confident. Valentine's is coming up so why not take yourself out for a coffee somewhere and if you see a nice woman alone look at her and smile and watch for the reaction. If she smiles back then go over and ask if you can sit with her and go from there. Good luck mate. Life is too short to be lonely. Being shy is a good quality but not if it hampers you. Remember smile and see the effect this will have on others and yourself. You may get a woman smile back at you and go from there. Relax enjoy your youth and go get em tiger.
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A
male
reader, maverick  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 It is very daunting and I've been in the same situation as well.ONLINE DATING SITESFirst of all don't give up on dating sites. Two things to get you going on a dating site.1. Get a oicture of you doing something interesting, or somewhere unique. Why? So whoever sees your advert will know that you are interesting - as opposed to someone who just used their webcam in their bedroom.2. Don't write your online advert! Get a girl/woman to do it for you. Sister, friend, colleague... just get a woman to write it up for you. They will know what other woman would like to see in you.CONFIDENCE1. Invest in the "Psychology" and "Relationships" sections in your local book store (Paul McKenna has great books)2. Go out with friends and do more things - even once. AS terrifying as it is go for it. Will also give you interesting things to talk about to others.3. Be happy with yourself! Stuff everyone else, do whatever you have to do to make youself happy without depending on a woman or anyone else.... you'll find it easier not to rest your hopes of a happy life with Miss X (who you may or may not ever meet).4. Don't "JUST BE YOURSELF". Feel free to shout at anyone who says that. Just be your charming funny, confident and sexy self. there's a difference.LIFESTYLE1. Strike a bablance between work and everything else - a balance that you are happy with.2. Take the oppourtunity to say heel o to people when out for petrol, shopping, or lost.3. Make time to meet people. Try clubs and group activities and hobbies.You've identified that your shy - so now you have a goal to work towards. Eliminate the shyness, and ceonctrate on building youself into the great guy you want to be. Once your happy with yourself meeting women will become easier.Try what I did about 2 years ago. Go through a process of rebuilding yourself but keep a weekly diary.Good luck!
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