A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:help me please!im totally confused about my sexuality.im in a relationship for a year and half with a girl.iv been having sex with her for about 7 months and im 21. around 2 years before i met her i was in a relationship with a girl and loved her and wanted her all the time.(altho we never had sex) i felt like i wanted it.we broke up and a year later i started to fancy a much more louder out going kind of girl and we got together one night (to have sex) and this would be my first time. Kissing and hugging felt really good but i just found myself unable to perform. i just felt completely un horny.we tryed a few times after that some weeks later but nothing.for the hole time after that i worried that it meant i was gay.we broke up and i was hurting so bad i wanted to dieit also felt like i was left with uncertainty about myself.so about a year later i met my current girl friend found myself unable again then i just broke down and cryed infront of her. she didnt take it too well.around a year later she went on the pill and we both felt i could just not use a condom this time and after about 25 minutes of sweating and penetratingi reached orgasm.now days sex is fun with her butill be honest, i dont think i love her enuf to be with her all my life. shes 18 and im 21 we dont really get on but now i feel like i have to be with her because she 4 months pregnant. + we've been together that long i think it would hurt too much to break up.my problem iswhen i masterbeat i sometimes think of mens body partsand hit orgasm faster than when i try over a lady.when i finish the thought of what id just done makes me sick. then i rush to try and do the same over a lady, this doesn't seem as effective and takes longer.i also want to get of my chest, since i was in my teens tryed anal masterbeation and liked it.im so ashamed to of put that but its got to that point.now i dont know whats going on in my head.all i know is i still like girls, maybe problems i had in the past with performinghave sort of scared me and mite still be effecting me today!Please reply! so sorry its this long.i have nowhere eles to go.thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): It sounds like you are just discovering who you are. We are brought up to think straight, be straight and to conform to the norm of society. This allows some of us (me included) to find ourselves later in life. In the meantime we fight against these feelings, thinking there is something wrong. I honestly thought i had a hormone inbalance that could be fixed as i'd believed myself straight for 32 years. But i now consider myself gay and am happy with my life. And if its a hormone inbalance i no longer want it fixed.
Unlike the others i don't think you need to tell your girlfriend that you're gay. At the end of the day how can you tell her what you don't know yet? by all means explain that your felings towards her have changed but, you'll be there for the baby. Later if you are gay you may choose to tell her. Right now there's nothing to tell.
Good luck mate xxx
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (12 February 2009):
 if it is difficult for you to orgasm with thoughts of women but easy to orgasm with thoughts of men you sound gay. have you ever had sex with a man? that is the true test of the homosexuality within your nature.
you need to know what you are about before you make a future with someone. its better your girlfriend finds out your decision sooner than later. there is nothing to be ashamed about, but having a child when there is a lack of stability is not the most intelligent thing to do as one person will probably have to bear the majority of the load if you dont stay together. this will be difficult. but knowhere near as difficult as faking your way through your life.
know yourself and follow the truth
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A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (12 February 2009):
 hmm...if you think of men's body part then i guess that you are attracted to the same sex. There is nothing wrong with that. Do you see yourself looking at other men and finding them sexy or do they turn you on. Maybe you do love guys but are in denial about it because your afraid of what your family or friends will think. My point is only you can answer the question if you are gay or not.
You have to search within yourself and be really honest with yourself. Only you know the true answer.
Now as with your girlfriend, you have to be honest with her. You cannot live a lie. It is not fair for you nor for her. You can still be a father, and help her financially and not be with her. I know it will hurt and be devastating to her if you break up, but it is better to hurt now then 10 years down the line when she feels more betrayed that you didn't tell her the truth.
this is your life and you have to take control of it. You don't have to "stay" with anyone. You have that freedom to leave. Just take care of your responsibitity.
As for you dealing with your homosexuality, I believe in time you will get the true answer. All this is new, and if you are truly bisexual, or homosexual it will come out in time because you can't hide your feelings/emotions anymore. And if it does, there is no shame in it. Surround youself with loving friends and family who will love and accept you just the way you are. In the meantime, take care of your new child and love it as much as you can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): Ok whoa and try and slow down your thoughts. You are putting a lot of stress on yourself and you are still so very young. Try and look at each issue separately and stop punishing yourself or feeling dirty for what are normal sexual thoughts and acts. First - this young girl is pregnant and you are the father? Well you need to sit down and work out with her how you will care for this baby when it arrives irrespective of anything else - like an agreement, a contract, stability for this child and the mother. It does not mean you have to continue to live together or be in a relationship but you do need to face up to being a father (gay, bi-sexual or straight) and be the best at that you can - time, love and financial support. Regarding the relationship if you feel this is not working at this stage then offer support but agree to stay distant physically. You need to explain your feelings to this woman and your worries and that you feel for her sake it is best to cool things down physically. You and her are grown up enough to create a child so you need to have an adult conversation about your sexuality. If she feels lied to (i.e. you leave it 5 years and then tell her) she will take it much much worse. I think you may be at the brink of discovering your sexuality and it can be confusing for a while. Don't panic. Get a little space for yourself and explain why - you don't want to hurt her but will be there for her and the baby and still care very much. Be aware that it is normal for a lot of people to have sexual thoughts about the same sex, be very turned on by it and yet be in a straight relationship and quite happy. However I don't think you can work out what you want by being trapped.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): i think you might be bi and swing more towards guys. about your problem i think you should tell her she deserves to know. i dont know of anyway to help your predicament. but you should tell her and say youll be there for her and your baby. i know this might not be the answer your looking for but you should follow my advice.
were rooting for you
good luck
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