A
male
age
36-40,
*harpe2803
writes:My girlfriend is 22 and i am 23 and she is totally dominated by her mum, she has her own car and she has her own job but her mum controls her like mad. my Gf cannot go out without her mum's permission and it seems the only time her mum will allow her to go out is if its either to go to work, go out with her brother and sister, to go out on a works do or to go babysitting and even that is if her mum does not need a chauffeur. At first her mum was ok with me i went round there a few times for dinner and her family was accepting of me but even then her mum would only let her out once a week to see me so we decided to find a place together and as soon as she mentioned this to her mum she went mental. Her mum tried to ring me i answered and was caught off guard and froze so she slammed the phone down so i decided to confront her face to face by heading to there house where her mum just slammed the door on me so i waited in the rain for hours but my gf told me to go home in the end; the next night she text me and told me her mum had told her if she saw or spoke to me again she would never speak to her ever again so me and my GF broke up but after a day me and her realised it hurts too much and we love eachother too much to end it. So for the past 5 months we have been seeing eachother behind her parents backs and now her mum is suspicious and my girlfriend is now confused on what to do, i have asked her why her mum does not want her seeing me and she says her mum told her im a nice guy but im not the right one for her and everytime i talk to my gf about it she tells me not to make her choose and has made me swear and told me she would never speak to me again if i confronted her mum, what can i do?
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male
reader, romance_boy18  +, writes (25 April 2009):
 well thats normal, in every relationship we all need our space. let her have it and when she is ready to give an answer on what she wants to do, she'll tell you. after all, she loves you and you love her
A
male
reader, Sharpe2803 +, writes (24 April 2009):
Sharpe2803 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys my girlfriend told me today that she wants some space what can i do?
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (22 April 2009):
 The change here needs to come from your girlfriend. If she has a job then she must have her own money and at 22 is more than within her rights to move out and get her own place.Her mother is being unreasonable but it's your girlfriend that needs to recognise this and decide whether she wants to continue living being controlled and sneaking around or whether she wants to assert her own independance a little and actually live her life. I mean, the woman is 22 for God's sake!! And at some point their they're both going to have to cut the apron strings.Ultimately it's down to your girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, romance_boy18 +, writes (22 April 2009):
well if her mom really loves her daughter then she should allow her to make her decisions in life. also tell your gf shes old enough to make her own decisions too. she doesn't have to be pushed around like a doll, shes an adult. personally, i would walk straight up to her mum and say "i think shes old enough to do what she wants in life, plus if u wanna make her happy then stop controlling her and treat her like a responsible adult". its weird but later on in my life, i think i might be in this same situation.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (22 April 2009):
 This is beyond you, this is between your girlfriend and her mother. Your girlfriend needs to assert her independence in a serious way!Regardless of whether her mum thinks you are the right one for her daughter - at the end of the day it's your girlfriends choice and her mother evidently has some serious control issues.At what age is your girlfriend going to become her own person - seriously?She has her own job (a career I'm guessing - not a casual job?) transport and the financial freedom to move out if she so wishes and yet she is still living by her mothers rules?She needs to start living her own life, not the one her mother wishes her to live, and at the end of the day if she cannot deal with you 'making her choose' then you need to take a step back until she starts acting like an adult rather than a child!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): It sounds very much to me like your girlfriend is trying to please two people at once. Her mother, to be acting in such a manner when the daughter is 22(!) years old suggests that she is emotionally controlling and even abusive. Unfortunately, you cannot change another person's behavior. You can't make your girlfriend's mother like you (she sounds like the type that will hate anyone who tries to loosen her stranglehold on her daughter) nor can you force your girlfriend to choose between pleasing her mother and pursuing a relationship with you.You should probably have a very honest, frank discussion with your girlfriend about how this situation makes you feel. Don't talk to her mother, she is unreceptive and unbelievably rude and not worth your time. If your girlfriend is still willing to compromise her own happiness and independence to appease her mother, either she is not that into you, or she is just that afraid of her mother's wrath. Either way, she should seek professional help and move out.I hope I've helped in some way- you sound like a great guy and I hope things work out between you and her!
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