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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a very small circle of close friends, and really only two people I spend lots of time with (my other friends are in other cities and states). Last year I took it upon myself to throw one of my two nearby friends a birthday party. It was a great success, and started a trend: the next birthday in our three person group was celebrated in the same way, again coordinated by me, but with slightly less success.When my friends are happy, I'm happy. And I loved putting these birthday events together. I wouldn't trade them for anything. But I'm next. And it again falls on me to make something happen.Yeah. After planning for everyone else, I now have to plan for myself or have another year of doing nothing for my birthday.I just don't want to plan my own birthday. I'm starting to resent my friends and feel like my kindness and thoughtfulness will never be reciprocated. I know my two good friends in question are guys, and guys aren't always aware of what girls want, but am I being unreasonable for wishing they cared enough to do something for me?It's not a secret that my past birthdays have sucked, but it's also not a secret that they sucked because everyone forgot. I'm used to being alone on my birthday and not getting phone calls or texts - and it's okay. But after all I do, shouldn't I get something back?Do I tell my friends this?Any advice would be great.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTotally right. If I'm arranging things for my friends I should not expect any form of reciprocation. And I mean that in a drama-free way. I think I was just feeling down about it and posted a question without stepping back to think it through. I loved making my friends happy and making their birthdays special. I would do it all again. And frankly that's good enough. If I really want something in the future, I'll just make sure people know in advance or I'll do it myself.
Thanks, everyone.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 Personally I wouldn't expect others to throw me a party. Even if I am the one who throw other people parties.
They might assume that you LIKE to arrange and throw parties, they might not even be considerate enough to fathom that YOU might like to have one thrown for you.
But, I would never tell/ask people to throw me a party. If I want one and KNOW no one else is thinking about it, I would just plan and make a great party.
Now if you throw parties for others in the hope that they might return the favor I think it's a bad idea to throw them parties.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 I'm not going to beat around the bush, but this is obvious. If you hadn't arranged the birthday parties for your friends, they wouldn't have had birthday parties.
You arranged one for your friend. Your idea.
You arranged another for another friend, again your idea. They don't care. They aren't bothered. They go along for the fun, but this isn't their thing, otherwise you'd not be the one to do all the work, or the one to initiate it.
A trend you say? It's happened two times, both times with you in charge. So what makes you so surprised that YOU will have to be in charge for your own birthday too? Really? I see a trend here, and that is that you enjoy arranging things, and your friends don't care as much. Don't get offended just because you run around arranging and doing things that you enjoy doing for your friends. They enjoy doing other types of things, and clearly, what they typically do isn't arranging parties. Why so surprised or annoyed? They are your friends, have they ever arranged you a party? No? Then why expect one now.
What you do it tell your friends that this year you want to celebrate your birthday, you give them the date, and ask them if they'd mind throwing you a party of sorts or arrange something. However, do not expect much. I suspect what these guys will come up with is beer in the fridge and perhaps a cup-cake, and their company for a couple of hours before they need to take off.
If you want something other than that, arrange it yourself. Everyone else arrange their own birthdays, so don't sulk about it. It is your day after all, you get to choose how you want to spend it. As much as you enjoy planning events I think whatever your friends chose to do, should they plan something, you will get disappointed because you already have in mind what you want. So tell them exactly what you want if you think they can manage to arrange it. And if they do fix something, you are NOT entitled to be grumpy about it, no matter how disappointing you think it is. If they do arrange anything, no matter how lousy, you need to be graceful and smile and say thank you.
You take that risk if you want to. Or arrange something you will actually enjoy instead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): It's not so much that men aren't aware of what women want as it is that, like many (but not all), they probably consider party planning a woman's thing. For example a woman might clean a man's house as a favour (and they'd be a mug for doing so) or nurse him through the flu, yet it wouldn't occur to a man in a million years to reciprocate. He figures she's just cleaning or tending him because it's in her nature to do it and if he was inclined to do favours he'd pick something that is more in his nature. Secondly, if you do a favour for someone knowing that you want something specific in return, you have an obligation to inform them ahead of time so they can accept or decline. It isn't fair to hold people to expectations they have not agreed to.It was very nice of you to put effort into making your friends' birthdays special and you certainly deserve to be appreciated. So instead of voicing complaints, simply tell them what you would like for yours. Be specific and make sure it is something they believe they can do well. The fact that you had to tell them does not diminish the gesture.Happy Birthday in advance, and I hope it's a good one.
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