A
female
age
51-59,
*quirrel221062
writes:Hi, after 27yrs i have full circled and meet up with my First love, who i fell inlove with when i was 14yrs old and he 17yrs old, We will call him J. i was married for 13yrs to another man had 3 children that were not his but he brought them up. I left my husband as he was abusive and had enough.Then 3months later being on my own I wanted to track J down to tell him the truth, that i had always been inlove with him. He was in a relationship at the time.I thought well i just need to tell him. Anyway he left her and we have had been seeing each other since. Now we have a child together, 7 for him and 4th for me. Ex,myself and J have all met to discuss the situation,J told her he wanted to be with me and i also want to be with him,but the ex threatens him if he carries on with me, j wont see his sons to her again. Ex said can have anyone else but me. We have not stopped but our relationship is undercovers so she doesnt find out. ive had enough of being in the closet, i want an open relationship with J, but his excuse is she will stop him from seeing their boys. Our child is now 2yrs old and we still see each other intimately, he lives alone,I live with my Father, his ex lives in another house but in the same town as J. She drops the boys off to J and hes told me thats the only time she goes to his house is to drop and pickup boys. i think she has moved on but i dont want to risk those boys not seeing their dad because of me. J has invited me to stay at his house numerous times, i have stayed and then she gets wind of it, and then i have to back off till she doesnt suspect us again. help im wearing out.
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Squirrel221062 +, writes (30 June 2008):
Squirrel221062 is verified as being by the original poster of the question hi DiovanLestat, sometimes we dont want to hear the truth and thats how you came across and i am grateful. i now no what i have to do. I want to do whats right now, i do hope J and i can eventually be together as a couple one day, I will be patient. Thank you so much. Will keep everyone updated xoxox
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Sorry Mrs, I was hurtfull and rude, and I was trying to offend you and hurt. That wasn't nice, but I was angry by what you said. Thanks for the update, and thank you for your polite and dignified response. You have shown a lot my kindness and adult maturity than me. Your life is not a mess, you have a man that loves you, and I think you can work things out. As I've said, he can apply for "contact" through the courts and his wife can't stop him from seeing the kids. Unfortuanately, it's her right to stop her kids having contact with you. J sounds like he really cares, don't give up on him, it will only take a short time before you two can be together again. Ask him to fight for better access and don't sneak around. He has a right to be happy, and if you make him happy, then he has every right to see you and be with you. Take care dear lady, I'm sorry about my harsh words, but everyone makes mistakes. I'm crossing my fingers, I'm hoping you two can be together with the 11 kids, and make a family out of this difficult relationship. Take care of you, I'm crossing my fingers and giving you all the blessings in the world. I know you think I don't care but I really do. I'm hopping that this situation improves for you. Don't worry, just sit tight. This thing will work itself out, you just got to be a little patience. Good luck and take care, as I've said before thank you for your kind words and your thoughtfullness in updating us about your situation. Take care babes, big, big hugs.
...............................
A
female
reader, Squirrel221062 +, writes (30 June 2008):
Squirrel221062 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok i get what your saying & appreciate your feedback.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Take the high road and change your life. By doing this, you stay out of his life, as well as his significant others. You see, if people did what was Morally right in the first place, these issues wouldn't arise. people tend to do what suits them though. The hell with the rest of the world. That is what causes so many problems. People only think about themselves. For example, while you wouldn't steal your neighbours car, you would steal her husband. What is the difference?
...............................
A
female
reader, Squirrel221062 +, writes (30 June 2008):
Squirrel221062 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi thank you for your input, i dont condone my actions, however it has been done & i have to live with the result. I will think seriously about your replies. I will end all contact with N. As for J, I have always loved him & will continue a relationship with him. I wont pressure J anymore about what i want, time will tell. If we have to continue in closet so be it or my other option is to let him go also. I have mentioned this to J a month ago about letting go, but he told me i shouldnt have told him then. Maybe now ball is in his cort. I no ihave made a big mess of my life, but im willing to change that, if at all possible with J in my life or on my own.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): "He was in a relationship at the time.I thought well i just need to tell him"... Hi Ms Squirrel, you really are a nasty peice of work. No wonder this woman, J's ex-partner, is frightened to leave you with her kids. Your so selfish, you don't even seem to realise that what your doing is wrong. Do you think about anybody else but yourself. Where are your kids, are they living off your father too? What do they think about all these men in your lives. Don't they see their "dad", has your ex been in touch to see these children of yours that he brought up, or are things too abusive for that?
Your husband was abusive you say, well what the hell do you think you are. You steal this man away from his woman and kids, you didn't give a damn about her feelings or the fact that her boys might miss him. You rush out and have another child, even though your not in a proper relationship and have no proper place to live. Now you think you have something with this man, although you sneak about to see him. Are you sure the relationship is finished, if it is I can't see why he just dosen't seek legal advice and force her to accept "fair contact" between him and his children.
You want to end the relationship if he dosen't sort this out, well it seems your good at that, but what about this new baby of yours, won't he still need his dad too. What kind of mother are you? You knew he had a relationship, you knew he had kids, now your crying because he puts his children first.
You only spent 4months on your own before you went after this man, that you knew you "loved", even though you already had kids for one man, and married another. You got some funny ideas about love. True love would wait for more than 2weeks before you jump in bed with another sucker, whilst J has broken up his life to be with you.
But I shouldn't worry, you don't love this guy, your just looking for another meal ticket to look after you and your many kids. But dosen't your behaviour sound strange, your willing to settle down with N because "With N he has no emotional baggage that i no of." Well that's great because apart from your screwy head, lack of morals and utter self-absorbtion, you got 4 children that a man needs to help support. I think that's more than enough baggage for any one human man.
Your so immoral you don't understand that cheating, sleeping around and hurting people is wrong..... You made sure that J found out about your sleeping around, but you don't care because... "I was so angry but also feeling well u no what to do, tell her." Nasty, really, really nasty. What about N, dosen't he have any feelings. Do you always use other people to get what you want.
"N has also said I can have boyfriend here as long as im available for him when he gets back. He doesnt no J & I are involved"... Well bully for you. You can just hold on to him and use him when you want J to dance to your tune. Forget about N's feelings, he dosen't have any, I'm sure he'd love to know exactly how you feel about him.
Lady I hope both guys wise up and dump you straight away. This mother is right, your too evil to associate with, I'm sure she dosen't want any of your dirt infecting her sons. I can't believe you went out and deliberately had another child to add to the misery. You both got 11 children between you. Are you rich, who pays for all these kids. Didn't you care that he was still in problems with his ex-woman before you did this. What did you tell your other kids about the new baby, and these two men.
I hope you don't have any more children. The way you treat men makes me fear for their emotional safety as long as they remain with you. You Mrs are a nasty peice of work, and as I said, your too stupid to realise that you left one abuser only to become one yourself.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (29 June 2008):
I read your reply and it seems clear to me that you love playing messing games. I would say you need to speak with a therapist to help you figure out these destructive ways. If you take a look at what you've written you'll see that you're spinning a very tangled web.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (29 June 2008):
"He was in a relationship at the time. I thought well I just need to tell him."....This says a lot about you. That was a very selfish thing to do. Who were you to stick your nose into their lives. You get what you deserve as far as I'm concerned.
You say you're wearing out. Think about all the wearing out you've caused other people by being selfish. You started something that you knew would hurt others. Now you seem to think you've acquired a place in the status of their relationship. The status you've created is not a very god one. She has plenty of reason not to want you in the scenario. When you assume the position of mistress or intruder, you get the scraps.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (29 June 2008):
"He was in a relationship at the time. I thought well I just need to tell him."....This says a lot about you. That was a very selfish thing to do. Who were you to stick your nose into their lives. You get what you deserve as far as I'm concerned.
You say you're wearing out. Think about all the wearing out you've caused other people by being selfish. You started something that you knew would hurt others. Now you seem to think you've acquired a place in the status of their relationship. The status you've created is not a very god one. She has plenty of reason not to want you in the scenario. When you assume the position of mistress or intruder, you get the scraps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Squirrel221062 +, writes (29 June 2008):
Squirrel221062 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionContinued.......when i went back to work their was a guy who was interested in me but I told him I was in a situation with the father to my child & that i couldnt get involved, I left it at that and for 5month the other guy kept pursuing. In the meantime I had asked J to tell his Ex we are in a relationship,2ks later J told me the wheels are in motion bla bla, I waited & waited. I had enuff waiting & told J its tearing me apart I need time out from you now, too decide if i want to continue on with this relationship thats going nowhere. I didnt contact, J tried but i did not answer as i wanted him to realise i was serious. 2months later i contacted J, asked him to meet so that we could talk. I told him Ive always been inlove with you, our relationship has been in a closet from your ex & i have had enough, you need to be honest & tell her that we are together & if u dont want to do that, i am moving on. J reply was do what u have to, we both cried departing that day. 2weeks later i ended up in bed with N guy who had been chasing me at work. J got wind of that & wanted to beat N up. I was so angry but also feeling well u no what to do, tell her. J got himself involved with another lady as well but i did not interfere. N told me he love me but I sed I am still inlove with J. even though he new that, he still wanted to continue seeing me.1yr later N left the country for work but we stay intouch, in the meantime J & I still intimate. The ex situation has not been meantioned in along time. N has told me he is coming back in 2wks time & could possibly be for good, N has also said I can have boyfriend here as long as im available for him when he gets back. He doesnt no J & I are involved. however I have also mentioned to J that N is coming back & now i need my space to make a decision. Im starting to wonder now if J would ever tell his ex, They were not married. With N he has no emotional baggage that i no of. So its who to choose or do i let them both go. Or do i give J another ultimatum, tell your ex. If he doesnt then I would choose N, confused & Unhappy
...............................
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (29 June 2008):
 It angers me when women use their children as weapons and this women is behaving very badly. I appreciate she has been hurt when he left her for you but why make the children suffer.
It doesnt matter now under what circumstances you two got together she cannot be allowed to continue with this and it is obviously making you so unhappy. You should be allowed to have a normal relationship together.
If he has parental responsibility for his children then he can take her to court for access, were they married or just co-habiting?
The other thing I will say is that if she does stop him seeing them if you two come clean about your relationship then she may soon realise that she needs the break she gets from her kids when they stay with their dad and allow the contact to continue. I realise though that this would be taking a big chance and not fair on the kids or J in the meantime.
This women is bullying him and he needs to find out his rights and stand up to her. I wish you luck x
...............................
|
