A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Looking for advice from females here. As you can see, I'm a bit younger than most of the people asking questions on here so if you could take that into account, I'd appreciate it a lotAfter a break up(6 month relationship) if a girl says things like: I'll always love you and I'll always be there for you, I just don't think we can be together anymore, does she really mean it and is this just a sudden reaction to breaking up, not wanting to get back together. Will she change her mind over the coming months?We had a genuinely strong connection, we're both virgins and we both said we were waiting for the right person and that we had found each other, it was perfect, we just never got around to it. We did loads of other stuff, just not the sex but I did give her, her first orgasm. Is that something that will remain a strong connection between us?Do girls in general just think the worst and then begin to realise that maybe they were wrong?Will talking to her on facebook and msn(she is initiating the contact) help her heal quicker?She chased me for a very long time before I gave into her and went out with her, I realised I should have done it a lot sooner as I absolutely love her, she always told me I was different, not just another boyfriend, we were really serious. Can she lose feelings like that?I hurt her badly, I was insecure for quite a while near the end of the relationship and I was constantly doubting her faithfulness until she had enough and said she can't deal with it anymore(that was her exact words and she stressed it multiple times). I'm working hard to change the way I am, I don't like being jealous and needy, and all I have to do is think about things logically to reassure myself, I just get caught up in the heat of the moment sometimes and feel like I have to get my point across no matter what. I'm working hard to change that.I've also noticed some things which I'm 90% certain are attempts to make me jealous, what's all that about?Also, I've noticed her talking/flirting with this boy quite frequently but I know he's all wrong for her, he's a pretty boy womaniser and he'll only hurt her, will hooking up with this guy make her get over me or realise she's making a mistake?And on that subject, will breaking up with me and wanting to move on quickly make her do something stupid like lose her virginity to someone who's not right because as much as I need her in my life, if she did that, I could never talk to her again.Last but not least, I don't quite know how to feel about this part, I was out at a club and I had the utmost intention of pulling a few girls to give me a bit of an ego boost, I started dancing with a girl, we talked, I enjoyed myself, I kissed her and my stomach sank, I felt overwhelmed with guilt, I felt like I was cheating on her and a ton of emotions came rushing back to me like crazy and I could have literally just sat in the corner and cried. What's going on? is it because I won't let go or somethingA lot of questions, I know... as much help as possible is greatly appreciated, thanks
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a break, both virgins, facebook, get back together, her ex, insecure, jealous, move on, msn, orgasm, womaniser Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): It sounds like it was clear why she broke up with you; your insecurities wore her down. This is something that I think happens in quite a few relationships.
If she told you she still cares very much for you, and you were her first love, I'm sure she means it, especially if she's trying to remain friends with you. It doesn't sound like what she's doing is malicious, as far as talking to other guys. She's allowed to do that, because she's not connected to you that way anymore, just like you can talk to girls and kiss them in clubs if you want because you're not connected to her anymore.
It sounds to me like you've mostly had your heart broken, and you frequently dwelling on it has led you to come up with most of these questions. The fact is, this is what breaking up is all about. What would help you, though, is to decrease contact with her and to increase the time you spend doing activities you enjoy. Don't talk to her on MSN for a while and try not to think of her so much. Immerse yourself in homework and hobbies to help take your mind off her.
One day you two might get back together. But you might not. It's not healthy to obsess over it and wish for it. There are no guarantees if she'll change her mind, and no one can really tell you for sure because we can't read her mind.
What you should be doing now is to be confident, not clingy, and move on with your life. Things get easier, but the post-heartbreak feeling is the worst. You'll get through it!
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