A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have almost zero confidence when it comes to my body. I'm a size 16, and due to being bullied as a child due to my weight I have never had any confidence with guys. I have had boyfriends in the past, but I had been single for nearly two years when I met my boyfriend of 4 months. We met in a club and his friend was trying to get with one of my friends, so we ended up talking while his friend danced with mine. We got on really well and the next day when his friend called my friend, he had asked his friend to get my number.We talked over the phone for a bit then met up one day. I really fancied him but having no confidence meant I no idea when he was flirting with me or not. He says he found it funny but it really embarrassed me. We started actually going out not long after and although he never introduced me as his girlfriend, I felt really good about myself because he was so sweet around me and always holding my hand or touching my back. It seems childish but he never changed his Facebook relationship status so neither did I. He never introduced me to anyone as his girlfriend, and I over heard him telling his friend that we weren't together just seeing how things go. I asked him about it and he just said it was banter between guys. But then my confidence dropped lower then ever when I read a text from his friend asking if he was still 'f***ing' the whale'. His reply was just LOL. I shouldn't have looked at his phone, and I only have myself to blame but I'm so hurt he didn't defend me. I've seen his ex and she is gorgeous so compared to me, I am like a whale but he is with me so why wouldn't he defend me?
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female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (23 July 2015):
That's simply terrible. You deserve someone so much better. You ought to leave him, but not without telling him to his face why. He is disrespectful, cheap and definitely not worthy of your attention.
You know, come to think of it, maybe he isn't all that bad, but he might be at the (mental) age where his peers might mean too much to him. He might find it difficult to share his honest opinion - like in high school, etc - afraid of offending the clique.
But whatever the explanation, he isn't the guy for you. Not right now, not the maturity and decency level that he's at.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2015): I agree with all that has been said and it seems the best thing you can do is hold your head high and know it's not about you. This is him either not being honest with you or not standing up for what he truly believes
Either way you are beautiful and it's his loss if he chooses not to see it
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (22 July 2015):
 Not all men are like this, but unfortunately you have found yourself a jerk. A good man would be proud to call you his girlfriend, whether on Facebook or to a room full of friends, and he wouldn't tolerate cruel insults to your appearance let alone 'LOL' at them.
It sounds like this d-bag is happy to accept your affections but refuses to put a label on things either to keep his options open or because he is worried about what his friends will think. Neither excuse is something you should accept from a partner.
There's someone better for you out there. Get free of the jerk and go find him :) Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (22 July 2015):
 firstly size 16 is not a whale! if you are not happy and confident with your size though join a gym and lose a bit of weight and tone up, that will make you more confident. i agree with you, if my partner just laughed off a comment like that i would be pissed off with him. ok, he may not want to argue with his mate about you, but it would have been better for him to ignore his mates nasty comment and not give him the grace of a reply! look at the rest of your relationship with him, it could be that you are more serious about him than he is about you
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 July 2015):
 Well, there is a saying about listening through keyholes (basically reading other people's private conversation is rarely going to be flattering).
BUT with that said, I would not be happy with him not standing up for you.
Then there is the whole... not wanting to call you his GF, that shows that he is not really respecting you. My guess is he is with you till greener grass shows up. And you deserve a guy who LOVES you for YOU, not because they sorta like you and don't want to be alone.
Using the "male banter" as an excuse is low and rather immature.
Personally, I wouldn't WANT to be with someone who doesn't treat me as I DESERVE. And you... DESERVE better.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (22 July 2015):
I am sorry that you are in this situation. To be honest, he didnt defend you because he is immature and didnt have the guts to say something in your defense. I am questioning his intentions towards you since he never introduced you as his girlfriend, unfortunately this situation (leaving aside the nasty comment) is common these days as it seems many men, not all of course, are reluctant to commit to a relationship.
I would ask him straight out, why he didnt defend you. I would probably end things with him as difficult as it may be, because he really is doing nothing for your self confidence. You already feel like your appearance has made it hard to meet guys, and him not making your relationship official probably intensified those feelings. You really do deserve better. I am a size 18, 26 years old and I have been in your situation but staying with someone who behaves like this will only make you feel worse about yourself.
It doesnt matter what size you are, there are some men out there who are not so judgemental and shallow. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and you are not an inferior being because you are not someone elses "ideal". Best wishes x
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