A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am in the relationship but i have second thoughts about a previous relationship... and i have had many thoughts of cheating but i couldnt let me self hurt my partner like that... but i am weaking and i am scared that i am gonna hurt them... and i dont want to do that... what should i do... should i break it off and try it out or should i stick with it and let it pass?
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, uhohlala  +, writes (11 November 2008):
There are two different issues here: how you feel about your current partner, and how you feel about this ex.
First, your current partner. Why are you with him? Are you two on the same page -- i.e., similar hopes for the relationship? If you haven't been together for very long (say, 6 months or less) and you're already having doubts about whether you should stay with him, you probably know that it's not the right relationship for you. If you guys have been together longer, you should consider whether there are issues you haven't tried to address, and then address them.
Second, your ex: Why did you guys break up? What were your feelings for him? Do you have any reasonable hope that he's still interested in you? Relationships end for a reason, so it would obviously be a mistake to get involved again with someone if you haven't sorted out what was wrong the first time around. And you should consider the possibility that you're interested in this ex as a means of extricating yourself from your current relationship.
Given the minimal info you've provided, anything seems possible: maybe you really do love your ex and maybe you should try to get back together. But it's also possible that you're focusing on your ex as a means of avoiding problems in your current relationship. Maybe they're problems you could fix if you attempt to identify and address them. Maybe not. But you should resolve your current relationship -- fix it or end it -- before trying to re-initiate anything with your ex. This way you can be as sure as possible that you're dealing with each relationship based on its own merits/issues.
|
