A
female
age
30-35,
*itti_kat123
writes: Ok well... For the past few years ive been dating differnt men and i always seem to fall for the ones who are no good for me. When i say this i mean players, cheaters etc etc your typical "bad boys". From doing a lot of soul searching within myself ive come to understand why im doing this. When i was young my father was not around. I felt very rejected by him and blamed myself for his absence. The only male role model i had in my life was my granddad who passed away when i was 10 years old. This also subconsciously left me feeling rejected. Now i always seem to get attached to men who in some way reject me emotionally, have girlfriends and in general just are not too interested in being with me. I know i do this to try and reverse my subconscious feelings of feeling rejected by every man in my life, i try to win their affection and once i have done that i no longer want them. Now that i realise this i have learnt to dethatch myself from my feelings towards that person and understand that the feelings are not lust or love just mealy subconscious emotions. But here is the problem.... Ive recently met an amazing guy. He everything ive ever wanted in a man but im so emotionally messed up i always seem to find him boring. Its still only early days between us but i can tell he really likes me and i do really like him but with every guy that is into me i always seem to find something wrong with them like this guy for example is a fairly homely person he prefers to stay in and watch movies where as i like to go out on the town have a little drink and have some fun. He is a very good guy, he doesn’t drink or smoke and looks after himself which i think is great but i feel maybe im a bit too wild for him. There is an age gap between us he is 27 and im 20 but ive never been able to date guys who are only a few years older or the same age as i find they very immature. He told me he wants to settle down get married etc etc which in theory is great but i just cant sake the feelings of that intense infatuation the "bad boys" give me. Dont get me wrong, this guy isnt "butter wouldn’t melt" but i know i can trust him and if i really wanted i could settle down with him. I just find the whole thing strange as im not really used to feeling this way about someone the more i spend time with him the more i grow to like him but with the "bad boys" the feelings are very intense but only seem to last a few weeks before i get bored of trying to make them like me. Then the more they reject me the more i want them!!! I just have no idea what to do about this new man as i dont want to push him away and end up going back to my old ways....Mod Note: OPs own title
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female
reader, kitti_kat123 +, writes (27 July 2010):
kitti_kat123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers...
Weve grown alot closer the passed few days, weve been out a few times but i atually quite enjoy just relaxing at home with him. But i still keep trying to find reasons for things not to work between us. As i cant find anything i keep telling myself i dont want a relationship. Yet deep down i do. xxx
A
male
reader, MAX D  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Hi there this guy seams to be very genuine,have you thought of telling him what you have been through, you might find that he is very understanding about what you have gone through in the past.As you said you do not want to go back to your old ways of BAD GUYS so give him a chance and see what happens tell him that you want to go out with him instead of sitting in all the time,if you do not tell him your thoughts and feelings how can he know.Take care MAX D
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (25 July 2010):
 It looks like you have found yourself a winner. Regardless of your childhood experiences, it is the here and now that requires the focus of your attention. There is no reason why you cannot go out with your friend's and be a party-girl. Just know your limits and don't cheat on your boyfriend. There will come a time in your life when curling up on the sofa with your boyfriend (if he is still around) rather than clubbing seems great. Bad boys will bring you nothing but grief, and most people slow down with age so you won't be clubbing at 40 in all probability. You have identified a pattern in your relationship behaviour but it is time to break that pattern and settle for Mr Nice. He may seem boring and safe but there maybe a time later in your life when you want to get married or have kids. Even if it is not with this guy, it would be better to find someone like him who is slow and steady to bring stability to your life. Players rarely change into decent partners in later life, they just continue to cheat on their partners and you see them propping up bars in clubs like some sad, aging lounge lizards with receding hair lines!
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