A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I stumbled across this website randomly and I'm actually quite happy I did. I have been in the military for 3 years now and as a result of that it's very hard to find and connect with women on a friendship level like I used to as a civilian. With people constantly on the go its hard to find a woman to be able to talk with and share everyday problems. Well I have been with a wonderful man for a year and a half now and we recently moved in together last month. Things have been going wonderfully and we seem to be connecting more and more now. For me this is very hard to talk about because I am so afraid of making my boyfriend....lets call him Mark...look bad. He is truly an amazing person and the last thing I want to do is make him look terrible and completely embarrass him. I have thought about calling old girlfriends from back home to try and ask about what I should do, but I don't want them to be thinking terrible things about him every time they see him. So I feel very alone with this and have been keeping it to myself for quite some time.I know you are still wondering what the heck I am talking about and what it is that's bothering me so much. Well....here it is. I have only had about two orgasms with Mark in the year and a half that we've been dating. Should I be embarrassed? I have been in previous relationships and this was never a problem for me. I had an orgasm in like our second month of dating and I think the fourth month of dating....and I cant remember if I have after that. Am I a completely terrible person for not telling him? And I feel even worse about it because I have been lying to him and saying that I was being satisfied. I didn't mean it to get this out of hand - it started off with me telling him once just to make him feel good about himself and it turned into almost every sexual encounter with him. And I didn't think it would be that big of a deal if I just kept this secret to myself, but now it's really starting to bother me. It's to a point where his kiss doesn't even turn me on anymore and it should be on fire. What should I do? Well...I know I obviously have to talk to him but I'm so afraid of the outcome. We have such an amazing relationship and friendship and what if I screw up the chances with us? We have been talking about marriage a lot lately and if I throw this on him I'm scared that will make him change his mind. But I also cant be in a relationship like this for the rest of my life.... so what do I do? I honestly feel so trapped and alone a lot of the times because I have no girls to talk to about these things. So I'm hoping I get some answers on this forum because I'm feeling pretty lost. Thanks for listening.
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military, moved in, orgasm, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): Ive actually been through this,have you tried masturbating during sex? The first time I did it, I nearly died from embarrassment but my hubby loved it!But dont lie to him and say you're coming when you're not, Im sure he'd rather know you're not coming and try and find other ways to make you come. If it feels good let him know, if it doesnt feel good or isnt doing anything for you, just keep quiet and let your body tell him its not working.Afterwards if he asks you if you come be honest and tell him you didnt, but let him know its ok and maybe he owes you one.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): You left out some important details.. Like is he in the military ?? What is your duty status? On leave, stationed on a base in the U.S.? etc.. etc.. W.A.G. is a couple of things, stress from your job, whole "uncertainty" of permenentcy, "may be deployed and drift apart during a LDR". When is the last time you had a gyno and physical ?? Either seeing relationships fall apart with your friends in the military, or fearing your relationship will fall apart. It's whacked thinking that you're afraid of making "mark look bad" because you can't orgasm. How is he supposed to "look bad" ?? Is he actually rotten in the sack ?? That is his problem if he "looks bad". He should be adult enough to comprehend there is an issue that needs to be resolved with both of you. It's not a "he looks bad", simply a issue that you want to resolve. It's simply either a medical or mental issue, get them both checked out. Remember your mind is the biggest sex organ yo u possess and you have been carrying this boulder around already way too long and that is just an additional stressor all it's own. Tell him and work on it together. If he cuts and runs,, you didn't lose much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Like you said, you need to talk to him about it. If you guys are in such a good relationship he will not be mad. Maybe a little upset, but us guys are very competitive and I'm sure he will rise to the challenge. I obviously don't know anything about your sex life but you should tell him your turn on's and turn off's. Trust me you are not the only ones who's intimate love lives are not perfect.
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A
male
reader, DrJesusShark69 +, writes (6 January 2010):
Like you said, you need to talk to him about it. If you guys are in such a good relationship he will not be mad. Maybe a little upset, but us guys are very competitive and I'm sure he will rise to the challenge. I obviously don't know anything about your sex life but you should tell him your turn on's and turn off's. Trust me you are not the only ones who's intimate love lives are not perfect.Sincerely,Someone studying health and sex
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): what ever you do, do not get married before you tell him. If he's an average guy his reaction might be big at first like "What?!" But when it actually comes down to it he's not gonna throw away a great relationshhip as you described, just over this. It's not worth it and if he has any sense what so every (not intended as an insult) he'll be smart enough to be mature about it and not flip out. Tell him but maybe try to be in a situation/area where sexual encounters are not likely/ impossible. Once again if he values you he's not gonna throw it away, so tell him and when you do you might want to put on a serious tone, you said your in the military, be blunt don't sugar coat it, the faster it gets out the faster it sinks in.
Best of luck
-Curser656
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