A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. I'm a week away from my 22nd birthday and three weeks away from my wedding. And I have managed to make it all this way without going any further than kissing. And the closer we get to the our wedding date, the more cripplingly nervous I am becoming. It is just stressing me out so much. I'm scared that I'm not going to know what to do, what to do to be "appealing" for my new husband, how NOT to be in pain, etc. I'm usually a pretty cool-headed person and I don't tend to complain or even break a sweat and I'm having a hard time even discussing this with my fiance. We've talked about it, but he has no idea that I'm going crazy. He just reassures me that it's going to be fine and that we love each other so it'll be okay. But, my fiance has been with plenty of people before we got together, and while that doesn't bother me - I can't get it out of my head that not I won't know what I'm doing and I certainly don't know how to be sexy. I know that I want to marry my fiance, I know that I'll make a great wife in just about every aspect, except this one. As you can tell by my ranting - the thought of sex is starting to terrify me. Sorry for the in-cohesiveness of this post but can someone please help me?
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (21 November 2012):
Scared and excited go together very well. Its like a daunting fairground ride, but once you get on you wont want to get off. Stop thinking you have to be a sex object for him, you just need to be you. Ans you still have three weeksto get to know each other a lot better!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 November 2012):
 What Cerberus said.
Trust me... naked is sexy
FEAR will make it hurt worse... try to relax if you drink have a glass of wine or two but not more... drunk is not attractive...
he's got experience so let him guide you... he knows you are scared so relax...
and if it doesn't work the first time, wait a day or two and try again.
oh and know that in the Jewish religion the first time a bride has sex her husband cannot touch her again for 5 days (it's to let her body recover) so do not feel like you have to do it again right away or the next day even... give yourself time to adjust.
and maybe you guys can start with just heavy necking and petting... no intercourse for the first few times...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): I totally agree with the advice everyone else has given you, but just thought I'd add that my first time didn't hurt at all. It was actually really nice. So there is no guarantee it will hurt for you either :) All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): I was in your position about a week ago, minus the marriage part. I think that in order to be more comfortable with sex, it helps it you try other things first. Even just getting naked with each other and getting close so you'll be comfortable with that aspect of sex when the time comes.My first time, which was only a few days ago, hurt. I don't think there's really anything you can do to stop it hurting although I've heard that getting really turned on first helps.My boyfriend knew I was scared because it was my first time but he'd had a sexual relationship in the past so he was really gentle with me. I found that it helps if they just go bit by bit and give you time to adjust to everything so it doesnt overwhelm you. I know it's an awkward conversation, but talking about it and being honest with your partner will really help. He might even know how to make it easier for you because he has experience. I don't think men understand how scary it is for women. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): Congrats on the wedding, don't worry much about the whole wedding night thing.1. first of all it's sex not brain surgery, 2. don't worry about performing, try to relax, enjoy yourself, you're not a porn star and your bf won't be expecting that either 3 . wax,you know no need to vajazzle, but at least trim down there ( if you don't do it yet)4. only do it when you're really turned on, that helps (there should be no pain, if you're really relaxed and turned on) and by some lube too just in case 5. practice makes perfect, and the same goes to sex, don't worry your fiance won't be comparing you to others, if he chose to marry YOU than he loves you and prefers you above all others, men are very easy to please in that regard, besides you'll probably won't be going through the kama sutra in your first night if your lack of knowledge is what bothers you... with time you'll find out each other's preferences and everything will be fine
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (21 November 2012):
 This is the video I always recommend to people who are about to have sex for the first time.
Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdYtYveJI1Y
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): "I'm scared that I'm not going to know what to do"
Oh no, you're not going to be able to do something you've never done before?
"what to do to be "appealing" for my new husband"
Get naked, simple as that.
"how NOT to be in pain"
That's not something you can completely prevent if it's going to happen. Plenty of foreplay will ensure you're well lubed though so that will help.
"not I won't know what I'm doing"
OP you've never done it before, of course you're not going to know what you're doing, but you'll learn, it's no big deal.
OP really it's just sex. Yes it's great but you're a virgin and this guy will be your husband, your performance on your first time is not going to be amazing OP, but the joy of sex is you get the rest of your life to perfect it, and that's where the fun lies. Just relax and let him take the lead.
OP sex isn't anything like the rest of your wedding, the perfect dress, photos venue, all the worry about all that kind of stuff, you can't put sex into that category, it's going to be what it is. It can still be perfect even if you fumble a bit, knee him the crotch by accident moving around or find it too painful and have to stop. You just don't know, so don';t worry. Most likely it'll go great.
OP it's the most natural thing in the world. You'll know kind of what to do, skill, talent, all the tricks and conveniences, you'll learn as you go along and what better way to learn than to have lots of it, all the time?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): Hi firstly Happy birthday and congratulations on your upcomming marriage.As far as the whole sex thing, yes it is very scary the first time. I understand your fears.The best thing you can do is take a deep breath. You future husband has experiance, and he knows what he is doing, let him take control, knowing that this night will be your first time, I think he will pull out all the stops to make it special. All you need to do is put on a nice cute (but sexy) teddy, and you have the sexy part down, next what you need to do is apply a little light lip gloss. Then walk over to your husband and kiss him lightly on the lips and let him take it from there. Don't worry about the pain, it will last only a few seconds, but he will have you worked up enough that you won't really feel it. Put full faith and trust in him. Like you said he has had experiance and you are giving him your whole self, and he will want to treasure this night and make it super special for you. Good luck and best wishes for a long and happy marriage to you both.
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