A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my fiance for 4 years and we have just got back from traveling together for a year and i have never felt such a come down as i have right now, i was used to being with him everyday, feeling like a proper couple, enjoying cooking dinner together meeting new people...now I am back home we live apart, trying to find work and I am so miserable because back home I have no life and not many friends.He has lots of friends he has kept from high school and different times of his life and i am jealous of this, I hate being stuck in nearly every night, and whilst I try to find a job I am stuck in crying to myself, I dont get to see my partner that often here because he has such a wide social circle..he has mentioned things I can do with my time like apply for job agencies, but I hate this feeling of uselessness, I try to look like I have a life but I haven't got one, I am shy so i find it hard to make friends, I have 2 close friends but they live so far away. I kno my boyfriend loves me but I dont want to lose him because i have no life, I try to not reply on him but when im around him i feel safe again, but then i worry sick around him because he knows i have no life that i seem clingy...it goes round in this viscous circle. what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionall very good advice thank you, we aim to travel again very soon but the saving up part is going to be difficult, without a job what can you do? In the mean time I am tearing my hair out with boredom, I hate looking so sad around my boyfriend, he can see it a mile off.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): i had the same feeling of emptiness when i came back from my trip last year. It actually gave me an incentive to start doing more things. I signed up for multiple classes, went back to my little business of cooking, and immediately started meeting new people.the only question i have, why your fiance doesn't include you in his activities
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female
reader, rose11061966 +, writes (15 January 2010):
try and keep yourself busy join as many local groups and clubs as you can I think your 1st step is to get over the low self esteem you have for yourself... this is your 1st step and may lead to opprtunities good luck x
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male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (15 January 2010):
i have the same problem except without the girlfriend. Im gonna make an effort to reconnect with old friends and make new ones based around hobbies like dancing, martial arts and computers. Once you have those first few friends, go out to bars and clubs and the number of friends grows. Work can also provide buddies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): Ok this actually isnt that difficult to fix, but it will take time.You have been living for your partner for so long that youve forgottern how to do it yourself. Remember before you met him? Things wernt so bad were they?The class idea is a great one as it gets you out. Ok your challenge is (i know your shy) to meet everyone in that particular class. Just say hi and talk alittle.If you get along with some of them then youve made some friends, if not the you still had fun talking to new people.Secondly when you are with your partner, smile at everyone, but dont stare ok. Laugh when they do and try to relax. Believe it or not his friends actually want you to have fun too, so every now and again just answer something, and it will all slowly fall into place.This is a gradual process of getting used to being out there so it will be hard at first. But keep at it and youll be fine.All the best
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A
female
reader, Harle +, writes (15 January 2010):
Be careful to not fall into a depression. I've been exactly in the same position as you are, and sometimes it feels like you have no exit and being close with your beloved one is miles away.. But you have to remain strong or gather strength not from the people around you, but from yourself. No one else will reach the top of the mountain for you, if you want to see the horizon from the top. And no one can make better use of your qualities than you can. If you can't find a job right away, try to find something that you are good at, and try to make a profit of it (knitting, painting, baking etc.) or trying to find books to learn is an option. Don't let the sadness eat you, take the control of your life and make yourself useful for you, so you feel good with you, not to try to keep someone at your side. Besides, if your boyfriend really loves you, he will understand the situation you are going through, and will stay with you for what you are, not for what you have.Best wishes for you!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 January 2010):
Ah the post travelling come down. It's miserable being back under our grey skies here in the UK isn't it?
But the good news about unemployment is that you get massive discounts on courses. So join up to something cool that runs one night a week. You'll be getting out on evenings and meeting new people.
You just need some self confidence and then you might find you have as much fun with your boyfriend's friends as he does.
Next time you are out with him, just try talking to one of the girls there. Take a chance and it might work out.
Good Luck!! xx
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