A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What is wrong with me????I don't understand it. Ever since me and my ex broke up, which was 3 years ago, I have been wanting someone I can have something special with. To have true and real love and someone who will love me who I can love back. My ex gave me such a passionate relationship, that I feel I will never feel that way again. He was a manipulator though and he was possessive and no one liked me dating him. They said that I was never myself when I was with him. I have been dating my current boyfriend for 1 year and 3 months. He is the first guy I actually dated since I broke up with my ex. This guy has EVERYTHING. He is sweet, funny, compassionate, loving, caring, and a great friend as well. I have been dreaming of something like him to come along. But, I thought I would feel more, like more love and surness of everything. This is the first guy I dated that wasn't a long distant relationship. My previous ex who I dated for a year, we saw every weekend because I was in college and he was a senior in high school. My ex before that(my first serious relationship) was when I was a freshman in high school and he was a senior, and we dated for 3 years long distance while he went to U of I. Before my current boyfriend I was single for about 2 years and only saw about 2 guys during that for the duration of a week. I hated being single. I loathed it. I wanted to be with someone. I liked a bunch of guys(mostly because I wanted to stop feeling pain from my previous ex) but nothing ever worked out between any guys I liked and I got really discouraged. During my whole dating experience I thought 3 men were my soulamtes, and look what happened, I broke up with them and am no longer with them. One was my best friend who I didn't even date, but I loved him dearly. Now I find someone who could be the real thing and I don't feel anything. There are times when I wish I was single so I don't regret living my life and having fun when I am older and look back on my younger years. I am currently 22yrs old. I want to love him, I really do. There are times when I look at him and think I can't see myself with anyone else, but there are times like these where I am doubting. I hate it. I wish I was sure. He deserves all the love he can have. I just don't know if I'm putting up walls or if my feelings are fading. He is truly amazing and I know deep down I appreciate someone like him. I just want it to get to the point where I know with all my being that I love him and wouldn't want to be with anyone else. He deserves to be happy. He deserves everything and we have a great relationship. I just don't know why I feel like this and I feel like a total bitch for these doubting feelings. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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best friend, broke up, long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): I don't know either. You might also pick up the book, "The Road Less Traveled" by M.Scott Peck, the famous psychiatrist.
One thing that is mind opening in this book is the tenent that Love is not a feeling. Get the book, it will answer all your questions about life, love, feelings....but short of that, get some therapy to help you out.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your comment. Maybe I was too broad with this question. But I do have a wonderful family life. My family loves me to no end. I don't know if I need to seek professional help(believe me, I have thought about it lol) because I always over think and analyze my feelings all the time. I think I just get wrapped up in fairytale romance that I can't see what a great relationship I have in front of me, even though it is not passionate all the time. I just want to do things right with my boyfriend. I want to have a deep love, one of compassion, love, and friendship. My parents have a wonderful marriage and I want to have that same type of companionship with my current boyfriend. I just don't know why I doubt my feelings all the time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): I don't know if there is anything wrong with you.
But if you feel there is something you need to get sorted out, why not try a professional therapist.
Your question here is too broad for us to delve into properly on this site in my opinion, I mean I could give you some what ifs, and make a few assumptions, but I think there is something a little deeper going on here, like your lack of self esteem and security issues...that I think you could use some professional help with.
At the very least, therapy would help you to make this very important decision in your life. Don't you think you are worth that?
You can start with your doctor for some referrals. Find a therapist that you like and that you feel likes you and cares about your problem, it shouldn't be difficult. Therapy is not for crazy people, it is for people who need to work on their own issues to lead a better life.
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