A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I broke up two months ago. I still love her and she still wants to be friends. We text each other and things are friendly. But I want her back. But I don't want to pressure her and have kept my feelings quiet. I recently asked her if she was with someone else and she didn't answer. I asked her again and she didn't answer. I just want closure I guess. I want her back but if she's with someone new then at least I know where I stand. I have no idea how she feels. I want her to open up. What do I do?
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female
reader, maggie1987 +, writes (3 January 2008):
 tell her how you feel and ask her wether or not she would consider getting back with you and if she says she doesnt know then tell her youll give her a week t think about it and have no contact with each other until that week has ended and then maybe she might realise she misses you and will consider having you bak.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): Me again. I should probably say that she broke up with me but made it very clear she didn't want to lose me completely. I thought I could just ignore how I felt over time and remain friends with her. The guy in question was on the scene before she broke up with me. I just don't understand what she's got to lose by telling me. If she's with this guy now then why should it matter to her if I know? Her not answering confuses me. Am I being kept as a back up? I just want to know one way the other where I stand.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 January 2008):
 It is better not to ask her if she has someone and to asked again is being pushy .Either you find out the truth discreetly and then decide if you still love her or not.
When you asked her that , it shows that you don't trust her or you are an insecure guy.You ought to respect her rights and privacy as an individual.You need to woo her back with your charms.
If you still love her, continue to be just friends and one day she will come back to you.Even if she has someone , it does not mean that she won't come back to you. It would depend on your attitude towards her. Show your understanding and love and not those possessive or controlling attitudes.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (3 January 2008):
 "... I want her back. But I don't want to pressure her and have kept my feelings quiet. I recently asked her if she was with someone else and she didn't answer. I asked her again and she didn't answer. I just want closure I guess. I want her back but if she's with someone new then at least I know where I stand. I have no idea how she feels. I want her to open up. What do I do?"
Not an easy place to be this. I've been here myself. In my view, if she doesn't answer then why wouldn't she say so unless she is seeing someone else and doesn't want to hurt you? Perhaps it's a rebound? Or perhaps she's just being cowardly and doesn't have the heart to tell you.
I was quite angry and frustrated that my EX couldn't tell me. I thought "after all the time we spent together you can't even be honest with me now - I NEED to know"
If I were you I'd talk to her calmly, have a chat then bring up the question and say something along the lines of "you know I'd rather know if you've found somebody else... I know it'll be hard for you to say it and it'll be hard for me to hear it but I need to know so I can deal with the fact we're no longer together cos I still have feelings for you. Right now I can't help feeling I've made a big mistake but I'll understand if you've met someone else".
The trouble with this is it's REALLY hard for you if she says she is seeing someone else. You'll probably feel like a whole bag of emotions; sad, down, angry, frustrated and a million questions will probably pop into your head - Why? Who? Is he better than me? Does he make her happier than me? What's he got that I haven't? Does she love him? Does he love her? All sorts of things will pop up.
However, YOU will now be able to move on and have some closure.
This is all part of the healing process. Talk to your friends/family about how you feel. Keep yourself busy. Let your emotions out - you need to do this to heal before you can move on, similar to when someone close to you dies. I directed my anger/frustration to working out down the gym which really helped. Concentrate on my life and the things I want to achieve and do. It's been 2 months since I split with my EX and I'm slowly getting there. She jumped straight into a new relationship after a week or two.
If she has met someone else there are 2 ways you can go in my opinion (I'm sure there are more and other people on here will probably suggest other ideas):
A) Get angry and tell her you never want to see her again and cut all ties/communication completely and MOVE ON or;
B) Leave it, go away and deal with it, then maybe you can be friends. If this is what you want, try not to get angry with her about it - don't fly off the handle at her. Leave it with a genuine "thanks for telling me and if you ever want someone to talk or need a friend you know where I am".
I went route (A) without thinking and I suppose I do regret that a little... I'd have rather taken route (B) but at the end of the day which ever you chose you need to MOVE ON (if she indeed HAS met someone else).
Best of luck and let us know how you get on.
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