A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Please can you give me some constructive aadvice and not jsut class me as a "nutter" I wasa brought up in various childrens homes from pillar to post my mother having elft me my father had a breakdown then re married so was elft in the homes. I married young and my husband ran off with his secretary when pregnant so that ended. I was left homeless and didnt know where to go then moved to a big city and found work and tried to get a life going. A few years later I emt a man got pregnant and lsot the child I was carrying ebcause he was violent that ended. Some time after I met a man who was ok and we had some good times but his own mother warned me against him-and she was right and once again he broke his promises and was larking around with various girls.I have no family and anay friends I have aree scattered all around the country married and have their own lives. Becasue i need love and affection I soemtimes get desperate and it shows-this is why I get fond of men too quickly. PLEASE can yuou give me some constructive advice how to get a life (before its over) and find /give love to people who want it. Howe can I get to be paart of a family or get something into my life I am told I am still attractive but the men I meet only want one thing and elt me know it (as many do these days) Its easy to say there are men out there looking for love but you try bumping into them or finding someone who is compatable or who both fancy each other etc etc.I have jsut been up the local park/cafe and I am the only one who is sitting alone and no one to talk to yet again. I am NOT fveeling sorry for myself I know theres millions a lot worse off but please try and help me get a life??? Ive tried evening claasses but everyone goes their own way homes back to the families and have thyeir own lives to lead. Its becoming a real problem to me Ive just been crying again.Thanks
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female
reader, Holi  +, writes (9 December 2009):
There are so many people in your situation! It is of course possible to create a family by finding a mate and having children, but even then you will be expecting your mate to fulfill all your emotional needs. It’s unfortunate that the extended family has deteriorated, because each member played a vital role and contributed something special to our overall support system.
Of course there are lots of ways to meet mates and lots of ways to make new friends, but having been in the same situation, I think it’s like money. You know the saying it takes money to make money? Well, sometimes I think it takes family & friends to make family & friends. When you meet new people & they find out you have no one, it changes the dynamic suddenly. Maybe they are afraid you will be too needy of a relationship with them; maybe they think there’s something wrong with you. I don’t know, but I know it’s extremely difficult to build quality relationships when you are at ground zero.
There is a new service that matches people who are looking to make friends specifically with the intention that those friendships will develop over time into long term family like connections. Like a chosen extended family. I think it's also free to young adults from foster care/hardship backgrounds, which it sounds like you are.
It’s called CreatingExtendedFamilies.com (also at ChooseMyFamily.com)
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): hi........i know exactly what you are going through......i am so tired of not having anyone to just share 'life' with.....i have been through a horrendous life as well......and hate the idea of being alone.......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Oh yea! Take good care of you, good luck, blessings. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Big, big hugs Honey.
I'm sorry things have been so rough. AskOlderSis is perfectly right when she says to get into things that require more contact with other people. Self defense and voluntary work are great ideas, and there are so many different activities you can do. A dance class is a wonderfull way to have close contact without the difficulties that follow romance. I'm sorry things have gone this way for you, you've done well with what can only be described as very difficult circumstances. Treat yourself to a massage, having somebody worshiping your body will help to heal some of the hurt. Go and get a new hairstyle, a wash and brush up is just what you need. Hairdressers love to talk, and a day looking after yourself will give you a spring. You are your best friend and never forget it, but your a strong, truthfull and loyal woman, and when you meet the right people, they will know it too. Forget about men for the moment, and concentrate on you. You need to build up a social network and discover friends who will make you feel good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Hon, I am sympathising with you. I know you are having a rough time. I can't say much except keep on with what you are doing. You must stay involved in life,.. and keep going to the classes. You never know. That is still a good way to meet some good people. And keep faith in yourself. Your problems have not been your fault. We all have things happen to us beyond our control. Our true "toughness" comes out in how we deal with these crazy things. My very best to you, hon. Sincerely, Tom
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A
female
reader, xXalmostanangelXx +, writes (13 July 2008):
Hey, you've had a real rough time of it, bless you xx Instead of going to evening classes, could you not try going to a dance place (I dont mean like a night club or anything lol) Somewhere where you are likely to find people who are also looking to meet someone like you are? Evening classes are a good idea, but people go there for reasons that are more than likely going to be different to yours. You should be in an atmosphere where you can relax and talk to people. Music is something people go and listen to, to relax and enjoy, if you were to try something like that, then you may not need to find someone, they may just find you :) Dont feel worried about going alone either, you are more than likely to have people talk to you if your alone, and not because people feel sorry for you, not at all. Many people wouldnt have the courage to talk to an attractive women, especially if shes with friends.. you should definately give it ago :) I dont have loads of mates, most of the one i have are all settling down now, so I joined a pool club in my local town and ive met people in there, i always went alone, but because i went regularly people do talk...
Let me know how it goes if you give it a try :)
Tracey xx
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A
female
reader, bebe girlie  +, writes (13 July 2008):
Hi .. I think the first think you should do is build your self confidence...because when men approach you they can tell you are desperate and need love and affection.. Be a Good friend to yourself at first.. Love yourself.. enjoy the company with ur own self... you dont need a man to lean on to get love and affection.. u need a friend.. try making freinds... im sure people will love u once they get to know u .. maybe u are too distant and that scares people sometimes.. find a bunch of girlfriends.. go out . have fun..regain ur confidence... dont cry...save ur tears for men who really count.. im very sorry to hear about ur family but it happens sometimes so try to make the best out of it...take the positive sides of it...Try to get friends.. and someday i assure u u will find a husband and make a FAMILY and all this will be forgotten.. just work on ur self-esteeem.. dont let anything get u down..
Good luck
XOXO
Hiba
From Kuwait
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