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I have no confidence and it's ruining my life.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 December 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 19 December 2008)
A female Ireland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

First of all I know I am wrong and I hate myself for it. I am 23. I have an insane type of jealousy and I just want to know why. I feel phyiscally sick at the thought of my boyfriend's ex and I replay any information I have about her in my head. I also feel like this about a one night stand he had a year before we even met. I know this might have something to do with my self confidence. I have so little that I find it hard to look even some of my family in the eye when I'm talking to them. People say "oh you should be more confident!" but even the fact they noticed and are giving me attention about it makes me feel uncomfortable.

I find it hard to walk down the street when people look at me. I am not the most amazing looking girl or anything but male attention makes me feel really uncomfortable. I feel like I look okay with make up on but deep down I know how disgusting my body is underneath my clothes. I know the media has made me feel like this but I can't help but feel like I will never measure up physically or mentally with everyone else. I am a nice person I just want to feel like everyone else must. Where do people get confidence from?

View related questions: confidence, jealous, one night stand

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008):

Im sorry for giving "A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008)" "poor" my hand slipped I was supposed to give excellent, it was very good advice, thank you som much for your time and effort, all of you, I feel so much better x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008):

People look at you because your attractive... forget about your ex or any other bf's... love begins from within you, and only you can find that...

I recomend finding somthing you enjoy doing, somthing that makes you happy like making somthing, art, sculture, anything as long as you like it and can fall in love with it. this will help eliminate jealousy.

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A female reader, carrie212 United States +, writes (18 December 2008):

carrie212 agony aunteverybody goes through a phase in life where they feel the same way as you. its completely normal for a human being to feel like this.

I went through a very similar phase in my life when my ex boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me and had a new girlfriend just 6 days later. obviously they had been seeing each other behind my back. I was devastated.. I didn't want to talk to anyone, see anyone, I felt ugly and gross. especially since the girl he left me for was a troll.. but anyways the point im trying to make it that I woke up one morning and I was like you know what im going to go treat myself to a few things.. I got a manicure and pedicure.. I got my hair done and did a little shopping. it really made me feel so much better. but it wasn't the material things that made me feel good about myself, you really do have to believe in yourself and believe that you are worth so much more than what you may think right now. I mean im not going to lie, the material things did help a little.. but in the end you have to love yourself, and right now you don't. if you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to?

don't worry things seem bad now, but once you learn and understand that you are an amazing beautiful person life will be so much more worth living.. and the people around you should be lucky to be apart of it.

stay positive! its worth it. trust me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008):

Honestly you shouldn't give a stuff what others think of you. As long as you like who you are then your confidence will grow. Do things adventurous that you wouldn't normanlly do and think of yourself as this beautiful, hot person that everyone should bow to. It's all in your head when you start thinking negative thoughts about yourself. When you think of something negative force it out with a huge positive (a pick me up comment) and smile. Start now before you dig your dark hole deeper. You have confidence!!!

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