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I have no clue what I did wrong and don't want to ask because I'm afraid it will make her even more angry

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 March 2019) 7 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2019)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, *ain001 writes:

Me and this girl we have been together for a while and recently went through a rough patch. We are slowly getting through it but today something happpened that has really confused me. We were talking on Snapchat when she said something that annoyed me and she realised but we carried on talking. Then i had to go so i said along the lines of Anyways enjoy the rest of your day byeeee. Note this was around 6. When i came back and snapped her she didnt reply so i presumed she was busy as she told me that she has to go somewhere at 7/8. So i just thought fair enough abd at around 10 she messaged to whixh she started talking. She then said that when i said the goodbye the way i said it was quite rude but since she was very angry i didnt want to say i dont get how it was as i knew she would get more angry. Now shes saying i see how it is now with you im gonna remember this when i have no clue what i did wrong. Yet i dont wanna tell her since shell get angrier.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2019):

N91 agony auntCome on, you know exactly what you’ve done here.

Do you say okay. byeeeee to her before you go to sleep every Night? Or do you say it in a kinder, more sensitive way? With emojis, or kisses and the like? I agree that you’re playing dumb. It’s childish, but then your age range explains why. You had a falling out and then you were sarcastic with her to put the cherry on top.

If she annoys you then talk to her like a mature person and explain how it made you feel, forget the passive aggressive stuff. Learn from this and grow up.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (27 March 2019):

CindyCares agony aunt Although I agree with other posters that your GF is noy acting very mature and is unnecessarily stirring up drama over something very minor... come on, OP- can you really not figure out for the life of you why she got mad ?!Seriously ?..

I say you are playing dumb. On purpose.

Unless it's like WiseOwle says, that gay guys get it and straight boys don't. But I am not too sure, some straight guys can be pretty clueless, yet...

You got annoyed with her at some point, and , rather passive-aggressively, you carried on the convo BUT signed off with "Anyways, enjoy the rest of your day byeeee ". That's sarcastic. That's flippant. That's " up yours " in a covert, apparently unobjectionable way, but with the intention to be sharp and dismissive.

Come on, don't tell me that two young lovers normally talk like this ! What, no terms of endearment, no nicknames, no kisses ? No " talk to you at 8 " or " talk to you tonight " or stuff, just " enjoy your day " like you would say to any acquaintance ? A bit brusque, isn't it ? Amd the final " byeeee " is a masterpiece ! It ' s like, yeah right, keep on blabbing, I 'm out of here !

You guys ( in your age range ) spend half of your life texting or communicating through social media, you know absolutely everything about emoticons and abbreviations and subtexts and texting slang , ... you mean to tell me that you don't know that byeeee was not the proper thing to say ? You don't know it's sarcasm , and it could come off as the equivalent of showing her the middle finger ? Particularly because you were annoyed with her, and she knew it ?

Anyway, benefit of the doubt. Let's suppose you really have no clue that your message does not sound like the warmest, kindest you could have sent; and that it's all a misunderstanding. Clear it up in person. Or by phone at most. Texting is fraught with the risks of misunderstandings, as you have seen. In person both of you can explain what you felt during the text convo, and what you meant which got lost for the sake of brevity.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2019):

I read all the previous answers, and they're pretty good. I think it is a combinations of things. Here's my opinion.

The way you said byeeee... certain tones in your voice, or spellings by extending the end of a word sometimes denotes that you're tired of listening; and was waiting for her to finally finish. It's meant sarcastically!

You didn't feel that way, but she interpreted it that way; because when you're closing a conversation by stretching a word, you're tired of listening. Girls read it that way, and so do gay-boys. Not straight-boys; so you didn't get it!

It also means a person talked too much or dominated the conversation, and they have finally shut-up. You just couldn't wait to getaway! It was the tone. You heard it said that way somewhere; and mimicked what you heard without knowing how it would be taken. You wrote it as it would have been said. She picked-up on your annoyance!

People read a lot into things these days; and because people overuse social media, they often misunderstand the tone or meaning behind what is said or written. Then they get ticked-off.

Have you noticed how people use Twitter to fire-bomb people for almost everything they say? There's always someone who says something that gets an army of attackers fired-up. If you live in different parts of the country, or think a certain way politically; nothing you can say is right or safe.

Let her cool-off. When she finally feels like talking, ask her what did you say or how did you say it that upset her?

Let her tell you how she took it; then you will know what you did wrong. I recommend that you go see her and ask her to her face. If you do it through text or Snapchat; she is just going to ignore you, or continue punishing you without explaining what ticked her off.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (26 March 2019):

Ciar agony auntSimilar to what's been said, I would ignore it, and ignore her. There was nothing wrong with what you said or how. This is just her way of keeping you on your toes and in 'penance mode'.

Let her reach out to you when she's in a better mood and only pay attention to her when she behaves like an adult. Don't encourage childish behaviour by rewarding it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2019):

You're both hormonal, so I doubt it's "sh*t tests" and I don't see how it's positive to dismiss her feelings as a hissy fit or suggesting you shouldn't care how she feels about this. ASK. You can't mind-read and neither can she. Things are easily misunderstood in text. Relationships die without proper communication.

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A male reader, Harry29 United Kingdom +, writes (25 March 2019):

Harry29 agony auntAt your age, are you trying to understand women? Can you see where you went wrong there?

Some time ago, in a conversation with a lady friend, she said to me "Harry, even women don't understand women - so what chance do YOU have?"!!!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (25 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntJust ask her. No one (including you) can read her mind.

If she gets angry over something you typed, the ONLY way to "fix" that is figure out WHY she got mad and what NOT to do (type) in the future.

However, maybe you two should @#$#%#$#^ pick up the phone and have a conversation or TALK in person? It's WAY too easy to misunderstand things typed.

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