A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, can I get some advice please? I am 45 year old mother of 6 kids, no small ones any more. Bad marriage, only boyfriend was my ex ever. Fell for a guy three and 1/2 years ago who is 17 years younger, so I never did anything - just am too old for him. However we developed a really - I thought - deep friendship over the years and I came to love him as a friend as well as having this really deep attraction too. Time passed and he 'arranged' to be at my home with me one evening for a chat, and then he kissed me, on hindsight I should have seen it coming but I didn't, not much experience in this area. I was over the moon but shy. Nothing else happened although I would have be 100% willing. Now he hardly talks to me at all. What did I do wrong? Am deeply hurt, and tried to ask him - I am not a clingy person by the way, but he totally ignored me. Now 6 months later, he has suddenly started asking me for coffee again, like we used to every day (we work in the same company) and acts as if nothing ever happened. I don't know what to do and feel stupid that a woman my age is so lacking in knowledge - but other than my ex, I have never dated and never been kissed by any other guy but this one, don't know the rules or the signals and it has been 12 years since my ex. I am usually a very confident woman and am considered by most people to be very attractive although I did not realise it myself until recently.I have called myself all kinds of fool for this situation but cannot seem to get him out of my head or my heart, any ideas?
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female
reader, Merrydee +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Thanks for all of your answers. I guess it is good to hear from different people. Helps to know I am not completely crazy. Thing is I don't really feel ready for dating or anything, but just have this deep attraction for this guy - bit inconvenient in some ways too, and I wish to goodness it didnt hurt, have had enough hurt in my life really.
Funny but everyone comes to me for advice in my own life, and I do know the answers here for myself, but it is much harder to apply it to yourself.
Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to answer me.
Deirdre
A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 I won't say there is anything bad or wrong meeting someone younger, however, you should ask yourself several questions before getting involved to see if both of you are on the same level of what is going on. Is this just going to be a fling? If it gets serious, do we want kids together? You mentioned you did have 6 kids of your own and grown. Do you want more if he has none and wants some? I have dated younger men, not by much, less then 6 years then me, which I am 41, and I will say, for me, I find it much better to date someone closer to my age then much younger. It's easier to relate to certain things and there is still some "growing" on their part.
Honestly, you really have not allowed yourself to date any, and that is what you should do before settling on the "first" that has come along. It is easy to get attached, and probably more so when it's been awhile away from the dating seen. You may not be desparate in any way, but you very well might be lonesome....and that is what you do not want to confuse yourself with when it comes to love. You are loving the attention, being with a nice young man, and it's not that there is something wrong, just be sure you do it with your right thinking cap on! Always keep your male friends as friends...then see others that you meet that you would like to maybe date in the "dating circle". Being said, then ask yourself is this someone I could really date and be with on a more permanent basis.
Personally, IF something were to happen between the two of you from what you mentioned....I think that he is just out to maybe have a good time and see's you as being lonely and wanting to have sex. I could be wrong, but that is what my gut tells me. Especially if he knows that you do not get out and date.
Always here if you'd like to talk more...Good Luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): Aw. Well he definitely misses you. If not he would not have started asking you out for coffee again.
Well he felt really attracted to you that night and he kissed you. He has probably always been attracted to you. But clearly he thought it was a mistake for whatever reason. And so he avoided you because he was embarrassed and probably did not want you to develop any expectations out of it. But he definitely cares about you because he's back. And he's back because he misses you and wants you to be in his life even if just as friends.
Let's get something straight. He cares about you. I don't know why he doesn't want to take things further but he has been your friend and you should be able to talk to him about anything. I can't read his mind but it sounds like he just wants to keep things on a friendly level. You could tell him how you feel but I don't think that is going to change anything and you see how he acted the last time he thought that you might have expectations of him.
That's too bad because it seems like you really like him. And in some strange way he might even like you two. But it's not enough for him to want to take it further.
If you want a relationship you should have one. But he is not the one. Not right now anyways. But he seems like a good friend. You should keep him as a friend at least.
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Hi hun.
First off give yourself a break. I think dating is tough especially after you were with one person for so long and you have been on your own for a bit too. You say you have six children and that was probably your focus.You may have more of a knack than you give yourself credit for. It does seem odd that this guy made a move on you and then backed off. Is he married....girlfriend...is it possible that he had someone in his life when he came on to you and now that has gone belly up. You say you have a good friendship with him so why dont you ask him what is going on. This is confusing behaviour and you do not want to get tangled up with a player.If there is a seventeen age difference I would proceed with caution. I think there is a greater probability you will get hurt here quite frankly. Have you met anyone who might be closer to your own age? You now seem to have a little more freedom. Are you out and about so that you can meet men. May vote is be cautious with younger man and expand your horizons a bit and believe in yourself.
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