A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I haven't used Dear Cupid for a while - I guess I only come here when I need advice the most; when I've thought so hard about relationship issues but can't seem to come to any decision or conclusion. I need help; I just need some truthful answers.So here it is: I've been dating my boyfriend since late October. I liked him before then - and when we finally ended up together, I simply couldn't believe it. He's pretty much everything I like about a person. I love his eyes, his smile, his face - I love how smart he is and how weird he is. I love kissing him, I love sleeping next to him. I like just being with him. He visited me at the hospital before we were ever dating and I just-Since dating him I've come to like him so much more; he makes me happy.But there's one problem - the sex isn't good.The foreplay is amazing; the kissing, the touching, the fingering; it's all great. But when it comes down to it, during the actual sex, I don't really feel anything. Yeah, I feel him there. Yes, I think it's amazing to be with him so intimately, but the matter of the fact is I can't and never climax; in fact, with the four guys I've had sex with in total, I've never climaxed. I don't know if it's size and I know it's not position. I don't know - I just know that this is how it always is. I'm good at faking and that's just the plain truth of the matter. Should I continue our relationship? We've tried different positions but always end up in the same one, and I'm always left with only the happiness we were together so intimately.I really care about him; but...isn't sex a huge component? I'd assume so. The romance is there but..(For those who answer, please don't attribute the lack of pleasure to position.)To note, he's not small, he's about the average size.Anyways, advice or something pretty close to it is appreciated..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (31 December 2013):
 Most women cannot reach orgasm from vaginal penetration because it does not stimulate the clitoris, which is located externally.
If you have ever masturbated to orgasm via clitoral stimulation before, then you CAN orgasm. Most women just use their own hand or a small vibrator to stimulate themselves while having intercourse in order to reach orgasm.
It's extremely common and nothing to be worried about. Don't think porn is educational. I know that the media and porn doesn't talk about the importance of the clitoris in female pleasure but it's VERY important.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 December 2013):
 Not sure what you mean OP... for me INTERCOURSE just is... it's not the part of sex I like... it's what i "put up with" to get the other stuff so to speak.
if you mean that you have to leave your body mentally to endure this act, then that's not good. if you mean "I feel him inside of me but it's not an emotional connection" that's different.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): It could be that you two are just not 'sexually compatible'., although I agree with the others that you shouldn't necessarily throw it away on this if you feel that strongly for him. In my experience, you don't feel that way about someone very often in life. It could be that you put too much expectation on it because you like him that much, or you could be distracted by all these thoughts. You're fairly young too, so I do think it takes a while to know what you 'like' - it takes two also so you need to communicate to him what you like (he'll probably find it a turn on that you're talking about it). Experiment on yourself, vibrating rings, lube etc and find out what you like. If you can make yourself finish, you'll be able to teach him how!
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really would like to add that finishing, cumming, climaxing - however you'd like to refer to it; I suppose wouldn't be an issue. But what I'm trying to say is I don't feel anything during the actual intercourse. I feel him there, but that's it. There's his presence, just not pleasure.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2013):
I have in 40 years of having sex with more partners than I care to mention had ONE partner who was able to bring me to orgasm regularly via oral sex.
the rest.. it just never happened.
In my entire life I have had ONE count them ONE orgasm from penetration.
MOST women (around 70-75%) will NOT orgasm from penetration.
I don't think that it's a reason to end a relationship.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 December 2013):
 Most women can't have an orgasm by penetration alone, because there are few nerve endings inside the vagina itself. For a guy, it would be like expecting a guy to be stimulated to orgasm merely by ONLY rubbing his scrotum without touching the penis itself.
In your case, your orgasm can be achieved through other means, and it should be before your partner enters you. There is no such thing as clitoral and vaginal orgasm, as all stimulation either directly or indirectly involves the clitoris.
And why would it ruin the relationship?? Just tell him you need something else, and if he's not an immature guy who thinks the penis is the only seat of pleasure, then he'll be up for pleasing you! Fingers, toys, different kinds of stimulation will enhance the experience. Consider in your personal vocabulary changing the thinking from "foreplay" to "sex play". Foreplay implies that everything else is a warm up to the act, when in reality, everything is the act.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): Apparently most women don't orgasm from penetration alone. Some don't orgasm at all. Have you ever masturbated yourself to climax alone? If you have, teach him what you like. If not, maybe it just doesn't happen for you.
Either way I think you should focus on enjoying what you have because stressing about the lack of orgasm will make orgasming even less likely.
Do some research about the female anatomy.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 December 2013):
 Assuming you have no trouble with self-induced orgasm then it's perfectly OK to provide pressure to your self with your fingers during intercource. I mean he's not going to think less of you or something. In fact it's fairly normal.It would probably be a safe bet that you are in the vast majority of women when it comes to having orgasm during intercource. A geneous and caring lover provides either room for you to self-stimulate by leaning to one side or the other during penetration or performing oral sex for you. Most guys know that they are not built for "covering all the bases" when it comes to intercource.Good Luck
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