A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been feeling really sorry for myself recently and it's a bit of a long story so here goes...I'm currently learning Spanish at university and last year I met a really great friend who came from Spain and was studying at my University in England - we met up every week to help each other with work and chatted about our lives. She had come over to England with a boyfriend from Spain but they quickly split up within a month of having moved abroad as they found they wanted different things - it was a mutual split and they remained friends. A month later she met her current boyfriend and fell in love with him. (They are currently still together.)A month later i met her ex boyfriend at a New year's party and we hit it off. We started messaging each other in a friendly manner and decided to meet up - I made sure I told my Spanish friend that her ex and I were going to meet but only as friends as I was scared of what she would think, the truth of the matter was I really fancied him and didn't want to tell her incase it ruined our friendship.After a couple of meetings and plenty of messages I couldn't work up the courage to tell my friend that i liked her ex even though I had a feeling he liked me too- so I let things between me and her ex fizzle out in order to maintain my friendship with her.A couple of months later my Spanish friend returned back to Spain and invited me out for a holiday - and it was then that I re-encountered her ex and all my feelings came flooding back - yet still, i didn't say anything to her. When i came back from holiday I messaged the guy and poured my heart out - i told him how much i liked him and why i'd let things fizzle out. He replied and told me he had always liked me too - we continued to message for a week and then the time came for me to tell my Spanish friend the truth - i emailed as I was too scared to ring her and it cost a lot to make an international call. She was furious - she emailed me back and told me I was an awful friend and that our friendship was over.I apologised a couple of times, trying to get her to talk to me but it has now been a few months and I have heard nothing more. She is still with her boyfriend she met in England and her ex-boyfriend is so upset by the situation that he decided it would be better if we didn't keep in touch anymore.I feel horrible, i know I did the wrong thing but do i deserve to have lost both friends? And does she have the right to be this angry at me even though she has been broken up from the ex for a year?Any advice would be very welcome.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): I'm the original poster,
Sorry it wasn't clear, this happened a few months ago and I tried apologising and when I had no response accepted that maybe my friendship with the girl was over. My problem now is that I can't stop thinking about the guy- we decided to stop talking so that we could both make amends with the girl but this seems to have done no good - only that i've lost 2 friends not just 1.
I do realise friend's exes are a tricky area and many different emotions come tied up with them but she had been broken up from him for a year and had met her new boyfriend who she really cares about so I feel it's unfair for her to still feel possesive over him - maybe i'm wrong in this too.
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