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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: hi all,I think i maybe depressed. I am not sure as i just cant understand anything.Right i live abroad with my husband, dont have the language (trying to learn for the last 3 months) very difficult. Anyhow, i have lost all interest in doing things, like his friends birthday is next weekend, we have to go out but i would prefer not to, his friend is nice, his girlfriends is bossy and domineering, its all her friends that we are going out with. I dont even have the interest of going outside, i basicly stay indoors all the time as i am so tired.I have no friends of my own here, i dont want to be down for my husbands sake, he is doing his best. I cant get a job because of the language, his family do not speak the english, I really want to go back to my own country, but even if i do this, i am not sure if my husband really wants to do this, i dont even know if i want to. My sisters are great only the men they are with, are always smart towards me (this puts me off going back to my own country), my friends are all in relationships and have cut themselves off. Where i come from also, people are so nosey, i left home when i was 19, dont particularly feel my dads wants me around as he is always getting at me, my younger sister is his pet.I dont really know what to do with my life, i want kids, but now i think its all to much of an effort. My husband gets annoyed at me and tells me just to go home, but i really dont know if this is what i want to do.What should i do...please help me, i am so tired of thinking and trying to decide about eveything??
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reader, Dragon66  +, writes (8 October 2010):
It's funny, I'm having the same effects currently after moving back home from a long journey overseas. And I was like what the hell is going on. Well I read your response and I was like, Hey back when I was out of the country, after about 6 weeks I experienced that same exact thing. Supposedly it's called "Culture Shock", where you go to a new country and everything is different, and at first it's a blast because there's all this new stuff, new language, new things and then after a while you get kind of home sick and you start wondering what to do.
Anyway, it only lasted a few weeks and finally I snapped out of it and everything felt normal again. here's the thing, everything felt normal and I was in a different country. That different country became my new home.
Well eventaully I had to move back. Well it's been about 8 weeks since I returned, and I just realized that I have to make this country my new home even though I was born here, because I'm not used to people speaking english, or having bars. Basically, I'm experiencing culture shock and eventually it's going to go away.
If you want some suggestions on what to do, here's some things I wish I had done when I was overseas. Take loads and loads of pictures and I mean loads of them. I only went out like 3 days and took pictures, well I came back, and I only had like 50 pictures. Take pictures of everything so you can come back and explain to everyone how different everything was. Like take pictures of the advertisements, the bars, the cafes, the restaurnts, the people, what you had to eat, the cars, the animals, landmarks, statues, everything.
Then when you get back you'll get to share those pictures with everybody and really explain how different it really was. Here's what happened to me. I came back and I didn't take pictures of the animals or the food I ate so when I came back, I was like, damn, I wish I had a picture to go along with this story I'm currently saying, or had more pictures so I could have more stories to tell. You got pictures, guess what, you got stories. And the more pictures you take, the more stories you'll have when you get back home when everyone is asking you, hey what happened overseas.
When I was overseas, after that little period of time when I didn't have anything to do and I just kind of worked and stayed in my apartment, I got the idea to go out and hang out by the river and go to the art museums, find "the best" restaurant in town, and basically I ended up finding all this cool stuff to do. Here's what I've discovered while writing this article about my own situation. What you are experiencing is going to go away, and what I'm experiencing is going to go away, eventually, there's going to come a time when you get "bored", and all of a sudden, you are going to want to do things again and you are going to have like a bunch of goals. Just wait, it's going to happen, and when it does, you are going to have this incredible drive, incredible ambition, and you are going to be unstoppable and you are going to accomplish things that people are going to be amazed by.
Until then, stay away from alcohol and get at least 20 minutes of sunlight. Physical exercise is good too, like going for walks outside, aka "exploring" the world.
A
male
reader, whatUsee  +, writes (21 December 2008):
I dont even have the interest of going outside, i basicly stay indoors all the time as i am so tired.,,
Definitely resist the temptation to stay inside all the time. Fresh air, sunlight, and exercise are all things that will naturally help you in this time of dis- ease.
However well you describe, we can't know all of the circumstances that brought you to where you find yourself, but some things almost automatically help: fresh air, sunlight, and exercise...
You'll even be in a better position to "catch up" on happiness and fulfillment when the time comes...
There are other things you can do to help yourself, a step at a time, but be sure to capitalize the "freebies" too: (eg. fresh air, sunlight...)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Force yourself to go outside every day, try to do excersise and eat healthily. Also contine to meet people, Force yourself with every sinew in your body.
If you don't depression will set in deeper.
Try to get a hobby, be busy.
I know its not easy, sometimes getting up to make a cup of tea can feel like a mammoth task.
But try try try and try again.
Break thing down into small chunks.
I'm going to make some tea, might involve getting the milk.
If on Monday thats as far as you get, on Tuesday make it to the kettle.
I know its hard i've been there.
Good luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Yes i'd say your definately depressed, the doom and gloom you paint is typical 'black' thinking.
The first thing is to gain back a bit of control over your life.
Its no use asking us to make a decision for you, because that is not getting you back in control.
The first thing to decide is wether you want to go home or not.
If can't decide try this, toss a coin pick heads/tails and your decisions.
Toss the coin
Whats the outcome? do you want to toss again? whats your gut feeling to the outcome. This should help you decide what you really want. Then make steps in that direction.
Good luck
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