A
female
age
36-40,
*irl Pants
writes:I'm afraid to fall in love.2 reasons.One, my boyfriend of 3 years passed away last year. But I still can't get over him. I think of him everyday, even when I'm out with other guys.Another reason is that I have no more faith in love anymore. Cos I have seen too many relationships and marriage that go wrong. Extra marital affairs, arguments, divorce etc. I don't wanna go thru all these...I don't wanna be hurt. My boyfriend passing away has hurt me enough.And recently, I feel attracted to one of my good friend but am afraid to go out with him. I'm just afraid to fall in love and still couldn't get over my dead boyfriend.Please tell me what I should do.I feel empty. I miss my boyfriend. I'm lonely, cos he's the only friend I have cos we grew up together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): Dear Poster
You have my deepest empathy and sympathy for suffering such a loss at such a young age; I honestly relate to how you feel;8 years ago my partner of nearly six years passed away in a car accident; it was very traumatic yeah, it was very difficult to MOVE ON;
BUT
I suggest if at all possible do get counseling; I did benefit from it and so did my children; suffering such a loss is not easy and it takes time to mourn and to heal.
You will never forget that boyfriend; he is part of your memory; but that is all he is and how he will always be; you cannot block your memories from your mind; but you can learn how to deal with your pain and how to move on; with time it does get easier and although I still think and talk about my late partner it does not hurt anymore; I am at peace with what happened and can enjoy life in the present.
I do hope and trust that if you give yourself enough time you will also be able to move forward; please do get professional help, it does make it so much easier to deal with all the issues.
As for your feeling regarding love; it will all change when you are ready to love again; love is forgiving remember that and a life without love will be very empty, hollow and shallow; in fact without love life will very empty and miserable;
However, give yourself time; be patient; in time to come you will feel different;
Do get some professional help if you can; but remember to always be kind to yourself and to allow yourself time to move forward.
I wish I could give you a hug of comfort; as words cannot (they sound so ..) but I send you lots of loving thoughts and positive energy with lots of SMILES.
I add a poem that meant a lot to me; maybe you can also find some comfort in it.
A Guiding Light
by Ashley Austin
A deserted rock on an empty shore,
A vulnerable girl watching the night sky.
Frozen and numb,
Mind clouded with empty thoughts and feelings that make no sense. Head tilted upwards, Her eyes fixed to a single star. Solitary. Alone in the universe, Light fading.
A cold wind sweeps along the desolate sands,
Startles her out of her dream.
Eyes scan the water's edge,
A cold shiver.
Looking for the missing piece of the endless puzzle.
A shadow emerges from the darkness,
Eerily still and comforting.
A calm descends over the turbulent waters
of her mind.
The sky clears,
Empty and cloudless now.
Drawing her eyes back to the heavens,
Not one star,
But two.
Shining side by side,
As one.
Sharing their light and warmth.
A reassuring hand on her shoulder.
Turning.
A supportive smile,
Her guiding light.
And she realises,
For the first time
That she is not alone.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (13 September 2008):
I don't think you are really 18 so I will assume you are older.
Losing your boyfriend is a terrible thing to happen and no one is asking you to forget him, or the love you had. But you do have to accept it is over and you are not cheating on him if you date someone new.
Give another guy a chance. he will never replace your boyfriend, but he can be something new and different instead.
Good Luck!! xx
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