A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met a man and we had a long distance relationship for over five years while we settled our divorces and children's issues. We have just now both relocated to a new state and moved in together. He is adjusting to his new job and I have been setting up our home these past few months. I am finding him to be very emotionally distant and unaffectionate with me. He blames the holidays and work and indicates that I am too possessive of his time and energy. I am dependent on him for all of my conversation and social interaction at the moment because I cannot work as yet myself and have no friends here yet. It is a lonely situation for me as I try to adjust. What I think, is that he fullfills all of his needs through the workplace such as conversations and laughs and interactions with all of the people there. When he gets home he is tired and refuses to converse with me other than general stuff regarding his day. His expression of affection is a peck on the cheek when he gets home. He does not engage in any personal or caring conversations with me at all and when I push this or suggest that he's using up all of his energy elsewhere he becomes defensive and accuses me of holding him back in his life. I just don't know how to bridge this distance or if he even does really love me at all? It sure doesn't feel like it most days.
View related questions:
divorce, long distance, moved in, workplace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 Hi - I have been close to this situation myself. In summary though, you both have valid points. Nobody is more right or wrong. The simplest solution is for you to work. Until then, you are going to have to adjust quickly and find some friends. Try not to let this come between you. Things will get better soon I'm sure.
Take care.
Richard
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Thanks to both of you for your responses. I think you just may be right!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (19 December 2007):
 I think that Phil gave you a very good advice try getting involved with a something aside from domestic responsibilities. Make some friends, join a gym anything to get your mind off of the move and your boyfriend. I think that will help your mood, and things will get better soon.
Good Luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): I'm sure he does love you or he wouldn't have wanted all the upheaval you've both just gone through.
I expect he's tired when he gets home from work and just wants an hour's peace and quiet while he sits down and relaxes after a hard day.
I can see your point though. Why not enquire about activities that can get you out of the house for a while in the daytime and where you can make some friends? The local gym or community association perhaps?
I don't know if you're 'out in the sticks', but if not, there's no harm in introducing yourself to your new neighbours, which is quite easy at this time of year by way of a few Christmas cards dropped through letterboxes locally, and asking people to drop round for a coffee and a chat. No doubt there's others in your community in the same situation as yourself who are also bored to tears with being alone during the day. If they won't come to you, you've got to go to them.
Hope that helps a bit.
Phil
...............................
|
