A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:As a young girl and all throughout my 20's, I think I was highly sexual for my age. As if I had more raging hormones than an average teen. I was always open to sec and new partners and subjecting myself to wild sexual ventures. I think in a way it made me feel confident and in control and highly desired aa being the one who was in control.Now I am in my first every serious long term ccommitted relationship. Our first time having sex together was great! It was wild and fun and passionate.Since we were in a long distance relationship, the more time went by and each time we would reunite... It was like I had no interest in sex.Been together for two years and just started to live together for the last 6 months. We have only had sex 3 times.We have had lots of conversations about it and I find it so difficult to explain what my problem is. He has been really patient and understanding and willing to try anything or go at my own pace.Part of it is I feel slightly embarassed. Like having sex with someone on a more familiar basis, who knows me so well and am so comfortable with that its hard to feel sexy anymore. So I asked him to wear a mask, and i actually did feel a little more comfortable knowing he couldnt see me necessarily enjoy myself freely.Another part of it is the feeling of disgust I have after I orgasm. I never had this issue really until recently. I don't know what I can do to resolve this and everything I have found online suggests I don't love my boyfriend and thats simply not true.I have just lost interest in sex and in myself. I can't snap into the mood like I used to, and I feel pressured to get myself in the mood to satisfy my boyfriend.There are times he will just give me oral and for like 20 minutes, I still can't get wet. Or I do and then it fades.What the hell is going on?? Could it be a hormonal thing? Can I take any vitamins or do something that will maybe help me feel better about sex and getting into the mood again?Thanks...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2015): Whenever you see sudden changes in your psychological or physical-health, always check with your doctor. Don't go by what you read on the internet, and don't put all your confidence in what we suggest here; accept to advise you to see your doctor.
I believe there is a part of you that feels a little unworthy of the man you have. I think you have some suppressed guilt about your past. You feel that if he knew who you were before, or knew all your secrets; that he would harshly judge you. Now every-time you have sex, your mind is on everything but him and you. It's on how you "perceived" yourself and having once had control; but now he seems to have more control. Your mind starts to go haywire; because you're not used to being so vulnerable. You're always comparing the past to now. I also have a feeling you're an Alpha-female, and being submissive to a man confuses you. If not totally freaks you out.
I can relate, to some degree, with what you're feeling. I've always had a very health libido. When I'm attracted to my sex-partner, it doesn't take much to get me going. It took me almost a year of celibacy after my partner died before I even cared to have sex. Masturbation sufficed.
Oh, I had moments that I thought I could bite through a bar of steel, I was so horny! Then when the opportunity arose, I began to over-think the situation, and I'd start feeling guilty. Like I was cheating!
I almost got the reputation of being a c*ck-tease! Guys wanted to go out with me, and they were really sweet sexy men. We would make-out, but my mind got busy; then I would make some lame excuse not to go any further. Thank goodness they eventually became very good friends. Not everyone is that understanding. Most guys would ditch you in a skinny-minute. I usually split the check and tipped the server on a dinner date; so no one would feel I was out for an expensive meal and a ride in a fancy car. I'm much too old for that. I've got my own. I don't just put out for a good meal. Toss in some good French champagne and things might get a little more heated.
I got a full medical checkup. My doctor said it was probably still the grief I was feeling; and I was dehydrated. He felt more sleep and exercise would help. He also suggested some homeopathic herbal supplements, and vitamins. He strongly suggested that I drink a lot more water. I don't know if it was just the placebo-effect; but I met a guy, and WOW!!! We were like rabbits! We tore each others clothes off before he could get in the door! I think it was all in my head. It wasn't low testosterone levels.
See your doctor. S/he will let you know if there are any physiological reasons your libido has taken a dive. Maybe you'll stop subconsciously judging yourself; and this will all pass as it did for me.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2015):
 I will 3rd the go see your doctor advice.
Usually a lack in sex drive can be cause by several things such as trauma, meds/change in meds, birth-control/ change in birth-control, hormonal issues and lastly by not enjoying the sex or orgasm at all.
Since, we can rule out trauma and orgasms.. I would get a check up by your doctor.
Feeling pressured to perform doesn't help either... so GET going, make an appointment and get a check up.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (22 January 2015):
Maybe it's hormones, you should get it checked. But it might also be something on your mind. Don't put so much pressure on yourself owing to your past. It will only make it more difficult for you. Subjecting yourself to pressure would only act towards decreasing your excitement. Try letting it be for a while. Hopefully it's just a phase. Calm yourself down and let things be. Make sure you do see a doctor though.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (22 January 2015):
 http://www.womanknows.com/relationships/news/330/1/
Here is one source if the typical stages (by age) of female sexuality. As all web pages with disclaim, all information provided is for educational/informational purposes and is not in placement of medical or professional advice.
~Sy
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (22 January 2015):
I honestly think this is something on which you need to consult your physician. There are far too many conditions which include decreased sex drive as a side effect. Have you looked it up yet?
http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/features/loss-of-sexual-desire-in-women?page=3
This links speaks of the tendency for women to be multifaceted when it comes to being hypoactive.
Do you have a primary care physician?
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