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male
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I am an adult guy and have problems working within the rules or accepting them. I find myself in burden when i work in rules and constantly try to disrespect them or even violate them. I find problems at workplace because of this. I am not able to fit in somehow and alway try to do things differently exercising my free will. I even challenge the status quo and ignore people of authority or my seniors.To tell you about my past, i was a bright student in my high school and used to be a topper. I would get quite some attention from teachers and my classmates because of this. I had sort of developed a fan following in my class with a group of 5-10 classmates who would monitor every act of mine and would try to imitate some of them so that they get the same attention. I used to be their leader and they would follow my steps. Whether i wanted it or not, but this created a sense of superiority inside me and that of being an ideal. My teachers would also readily accept whatever i said to them. This made me start taking some things for granted in my school days. Like i would flirt with my married teachers who were quite elderly to me, would made bad remarks about some of them when i am in friend circle. We also used to organize mass-bunks of classes. We got quite a few warnings of being dismissed if we didn't attend the classes. But we ignored them as we considered ourselves to be the pride of our class as other students were no good at studies. Also, as we saw some rich guys taking all the nice girls in our class, we felt a sense of being ignored by girls and would try to show off to attract their attention in one way or other. We had this sense of shyness that was hard to overcome when approaching girls. So we created our own world and lived in it.This instilled in me a sense of arrogance and disrespect to the normal rules of the game (of life). I am not able to accept some of the socio-cultural beliefs and norms. I feel a sense of deprivation and not belonging to this world with all its rules. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): Maybe try to be yourself then? Actually, the way you are sounds pretty annoying and immature.Grow up. I speak from experience that it is nothing to do with parental attention, I myself hardly got lots,as one of 15 children!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2005): Well Ellis, to be honest i have been seeking some counselling lately. Some of the things i have realized about myself have been quite shocking. In fact, it has something to do with my parents and the way they have brought me up. Basically, i have been treated like an unwanted piece of shit by my parents. They use me when they want to for their entertainment and ignore me when they don't. They never empathize with me or respect my emotions. In fact, they manipulate my emotions for their selfish interests.
About my past, as far as i remember i was rarely attended by my parents when i was 2 - 7 yrs old. I remember that people would come, entertain themselves with me and go. Some people who did not have any children of their own, even took me to their own house and played with me. Some of my relatives would irritate me and my parents won't do anything to protect me. I have been like this for long. My friends and their parents have shown more affection to me then my own parents. All this long, i thought i was not doing enough to please my parents but i was wrong. I did things that not many kids do to please their parents. It isn't about pleasing or wanting something. It is just that someone exists in your life when you necessarily didn't want him in first place. It has taken me years to realize this. My mom used to say she was an unwanted child. I wonder if she was trying to take revenge on me. My parents readily agreed once to let my uncle-aunt adopt me for their son without even a hint of being personal or have a feeling of loss.
The behaviour that i have been exhibiting may be to seek attention of others as i didn't get much from my parents. I have been doing clowny acts to entertain my mother all my life so that may be sometime i could get a bit of affection from her. But i have failed to and i don't know why this is happening to me. I wasn't brought on this earth by my own wish.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 October 2005):
 In the first 5 words of your letter you will find the solution to your own problem. You are not an adult male, you are a class clown living in the past. Grow up and stop your belly aching.
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A
male
reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (13 October 2005):
Firstly, I am not a huge fan of Sigmund Freud. For me, too much of his work was centred around sexuality and not enough around sensuality. However, he was the first to document the affects our mothers and fathers had on us,in our early developmental years i.e roughly from 2-7.
I feel your relationship with your father and to a lesser degree your mother, in these stages of your life, may be the key to you understanding your current situation.
If I were you I would seek some counselling.
Counselling can be intense and uplifting at different times, but I do feel that everyone, from any walk of life, can benefit from knowing why they are, who they are. Only then can we really make the neccesary changes.
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