A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this is kinda long-winded and it is more of a vent than anything but I have alot of problems these days and it's getting to me.Basically, I dropped out of uni about 2 years ago without telling anyone, I keep up a lie that I go to uni all the time. I am being funded by my parents and I have started another degree online but because of my overwhelming procrastination, I find myself not doing that as well. I always seem to start things that I dont finish. For example i've started a couple of other online courses as well which are slowly taking a backseat in my lazy waste of a life.I am a shy person at heart but I hide it and I talk alot, I put people down alot to gain status in my group of friends, because I guess I dont really think they like me deep down, probably because I am a liar, a gossip and an asshole. I get really offended when people put me down even when deserved, to the point where it tears me up and I get miserable for a few days after. I can see that acceptance is a huge issue for me, but the bottom line is I am a talker and not a doer. I am so far from being true to myself that I've become almost the anti-me. I havent always been like this, it really all started 2 years ago when I dropped out of uni. Now i see my friends doing really well and sorting their lives out and leaving me in the dust clinging on to the cop out that I am at uni when actually I do bugger all. I can't motivate myself to do anything long term unless its something superficial like go to the gym or better myself. This being said I fear that I don't want to better myself because of self development but because of how amazed other people will be of me. I preach to my friends about stuff that I do myself, probably in the hope that they wont spot my short-comings.I know deep down I'm not a bad person i've just messed up, i fear that if I was to be myself I would come across miserable, because thats what I am. People seem to like me on first impressions, but quickly that disipates and they find me hard to talk to because I always try to be centre of attention, they find me insincere because I am, and extremely arrogant. I don't want to be any of these things, and I didnt used to be. I really dont know where to turn I am a mess and those that care about me like my parents, I lie to. I just cant tell them what I've done because it would kill them. I am a childish, selfish liar and I hate it. I want to just be a nice guy but on being hurt in the past I totally changed that, now im heartless. I hate injustice and and I hate people getting the better of me, probably because of my self centred arrogance. I want to be calm and happy again and not have to force myself to be. I have messed up I know that, but I want to be a better person again, I dont know what to do...please help :/
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female
reader, PunkyPippi  +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Well, I think you've taken a very important first step, which is to admit to yourself how far away from the person you want to be.
Now, figure out what you want. Forget your friends, forget your family (just for a minute)..do YOU want to go to university? If so, what do you want to accomplish there? If you do, talk to your dean (or whatever you call them there) and ask them the right path to get on with your coursework. I believe if you're doing something that will lead to results that you want in your life that you'll be more motivated to do well at it, regardless of what people think.
If you don't want to go to university, that's okay. Not everyone is meant to go to school.
Once you figure all of this out, come clean with your family. You may feel crappy at first, but once the truth is out, eventually you'll feel better about yourself because you told the truth.
As far as your friends go, when you're around them, resist the urge to lie. You don't have to fess up to them all the crap that's been going on, but be MORE genuine with them. Don't put them down because you're jealous of them. Don't lie to them about money, things you have, things you're going to do, etc.
Some people like attention, and it's okay. Those people always have followers who like the attention that comes with being around people like that, so if you like that, stick with it.
You have to like yourself to be happy and calm. I think if you stop caring what others think about what you have and what you're going to do, you'll find peace.
A
female
reader, feonixis +, writes (19 January 2009):
i really can't tell you how to be a better person... but i can tell you that the whole obscenely long ramble struck a major cord with me. i feel just like that myself, well, mostly, i dropped out of highschool two years ago, and i've been regretting it since. i've been miserable for years, and it's driving me crazy, and i constantly ask myself, how i can be the person i want to be, and why it's so hard even though i recongnize my flaws. i'm overweight, and i really want to lose weight, and be a more successfule person, but like you, all i keep imagining is seeing people's faces when they see the "new, improved" me. if you want to talk to someone, please message me. ^^
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