A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 years old and have been with my amazing boyfriend for a little over a year. I am embarrassed to say, but I'm a good 40-45 pounds overweight and I'm on the short side, 5'4. I got thick thighs, my stomach is not flat, my boobs have gotten smaller and less 'perky. I got stretch marks and cellulite...Not to make excuses for my weight problem, but I've struggled with eating problems since my mid teen years. It would be fair to say I am not very secure with my body.My boyfriend on the other hand is 6 feet tall and very slender, somewhat underweight actually, but I absolutely love his body, I find everything about him so attractive. A lot of people would say he's 'out of my league'. He's someone who is very confident. I am not the type of girl he goes for. His girlfriends were all slim. Even 2 of his friends made a comment(not in a rude way) that I'm not his typical girl. But my boyfriend says he really does love me and I believe him 100% that he loves me, I just don't think he'll love my body. Does this make sense?When it comes to sex, there's obviously an issue because of my insecurities with my body image. I have not let him see me naked yet. We make out and do a lot of touching, which he seems to really enjoy, but that is about as far as it goes. He's upset that I won't go all the way, but he understands. Do you have any advice for my situation? Big thanks to everyone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2015): I agree with Garbo. Unless you do something about it, e.g. start hitting the gym, you are going to continue to feel self conscious about it. And it's true that once you get in a routine of working out, your whole self image will transform. Even before you've reached your weight goal. Just the fact that you are out sweating and burning calories and doing something positive for yourself will make you feel much more confident. And once you start seeing results, you notice your belly getting flatter, clothes fitting you better, you'll be elated, you will feel like the sexiest woman on this earth.
Just get out there and get moving.
Don't forget diet too. Keep your calorie intake at or under 1200 a day. I hate to admit this as it may sound cruel, but to lose weight, you often have to go to bed on an empty stomach, feeling hungry. When I diet, that is how I know I am losing weight. When my stomach growls and feels hungry right before bed. The next day when you weigh yourself, you'll be one to two pound thinner. Works like a charm.
A
female
reader, Womenwithwords  +, writes (26 March 2015):
Whilst I agree excercisr is helpful for weight , All the excercise in the world won't change stretch marks or your height . Therefore it is only a part of the answer. The man answer is to look within at your self worth issues , perhaps with a counsellor
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 March 2015):
It's a tough spot but there are only a few things you can do here.
-Continue to not let him see your body until you lose 45lbs (about a year at best).
-Decide that you are who you are and that if he loves you he'll embrace your body as part of the package (I'm sure he already knows, clothes don't hide add much as people seem to think).
-Leave him because you don't like three other options.
Let me say that an unfortunate truth is that most women have no tolerance for imperfections in their body. Even if you lose the weight you may not like the way you look.
Every girlfriend I've had was self conscious despite the fact that every one of them looked great in my eyes. All different body types too.
What you should do is tell him that you're self conscious but that he deserves to see all of you and you deserve to feel like you don't have to hide. Then get baked, have sex, and start earring healthy and working out.
If you don't start losing weight now it'll just get harder to do later and the weight will continue to add on as you get older.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (26 March 2015):
 Vigorous workouts is what puts confidence back and you being young, getting into a gym 4 times per week should be a must. Start off with 60% strength training and 40% cardio, but as weeks progress, start tilting this ratio in favor of cardio so that in 6 months you are at 20% weights and 80% cardio. Get on some supplements that will enhance your cardio workouts, things like glutamine, nitric oxide boosters and be sure you run and sweat a lot (walking and no sweat is waste of time). Reason why I'm so detailed at the physical is because that is the only answer to your dissatisfaction. Vigorous workout builds endorphins that make your body and mind feel good and it will change your psychology from doubting yourself to being sure that you are doing something about it. That change in psychology and your body shape will also change how you feel in the bedroom. Just think of your BFs compliments when he notices you've shed 10-15 pounds... it will be a self perpetuating from there on. Bottom line, you can talk about your issue forever but if you don't do anything about it it's all waste of words.
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