A
female
age
,
*il3
writes:Dear Cupid,I have had an affair for 3 years with a very sexy, experienced man but, ultimately a cad... The same age as my husband. It was exciting, great sex, but the novelty is wearing off, on both sides now, but he won't admit it. He wants me to end it, so he'll feel in the clear. Also sexual relations with my husband don't seem so wonderful now. He doesn't know about this affair... What to do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): In my opinion, and Im a man, try to suggest to your husband if he would be interested in a menage et trois. I know most guys would say no, and even if they fancied the idea of seeing their wife with another guy, the reality may turn out to be not what you intended. The jealousy thing is sometimes uncontrollable. On the other side of the coin, maybe you should suggest to your husband he take up with some sexy , young bimbo, who knows, it may actually improve your love life,,,
A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 Someone once wrote that all affairs end badly. It's absolutely true.
Diagnosis: So, where do you go from here? Everyone makes mistakes, and chances are that you wish you'd never started the affair because it damaged your feelings and excitement for your husband. You, like many others, also thought that the affair was harmless as long as your husband didn't know about it. Also, you got addicted to the high of having someone want you again. It made your real life seem dull and your husband's lovemaking seem lackluster and even clumsy.
Meanwhile, the Cad found a newer more available playmate or got tired of sneaking around or waiting for you to call or come over. You feel torn-you're hurt because his ardor toward you has cooled, and yet you don't really want the Cad in the first place (because he is a Cad and one reason he's good in bed is because he's had a lot of experience). Your ego and pride are now lower than in your pre-cad days, and as much as he expanded your ego, it is now deflated 10x more. Damn it!
Prescription: Don't get sucked into the idea that you love the cad - you only love the phony persona he presented you with when you were a challenge. Winning you stroked his ego. However, if you cut him off in a nasty way, he will retrieve his ego by, perhaps, seeking revenge and he will tell your poor innocent husband, or anyone who'll listen. You must tell Mr. Cad-who-has-an-enormous-ego-of-his-own, that you are too hurt to hear from him anymore. And then, stick to it. Answer his calls if you must, cry a little, tell him he meant the world to you, but you can't talk anymore cuz it just hurts too much.
Then apply all of your romantic skills to ensnare your dear husband again...above all, do not confess your guilt to your sweet husband...they almost never forgive as the pain to them is like an unremovable sword to the stomach. Those who suggest you must "come clean before you can heal" are idiots.
Punishment: To live with the secret knowledge that you betrayed a man who chose you above all others, in order to enjoy the favors of a cad who treated you as disposable. Again, telling your husband would only hurt him, and would NOT assuage your guilt.
Finally and hardest of all: Forgive yourself.
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A
female
reader, PunkyPippi  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 End the affair and work on your marriage. Why would sexual relations feel wonderful with your husband when you've been lying to him and cheating on him for 3 years! You're awful.
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