A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my mid/late 20s and met a woman off a dating website who seems incredible (she's in her late 20s/early 30s) - we started chatting briefly using the site and found we had a lot in common. We then exchanged numbers and started chatting daily (great back and forth, we can make each other laugh with ease plus things have gotten a bit heated...). Anyway, she wants to meet up one day in person (which I obviously want to), but I feel inadequate in my appearance - I've suffered from acne most my adult life, which ruined my self-esteem. I've gotten used to it, but haven't dated in years because of it. I've been on a variety of treatments and the latest prescribed by a dermatologist has cleared me up really well, but my cheeks are still messed up (suspect from shaving, but different methods haven't yielded any different results...even my doctor is a bit confused). Everyday is a gamble waking up to see how bad it's going to be (i.e. red, spots, sores, scars). We've exchanged photos and she's absolutely gorgeous. The one's I've sent have been in the best-light, so-to-speak, where is hasn't been so noticeable...so she doesn't know. I want to meet her, I'm just afraid she's going to take one look at me and think, "there's something seriously wrong with this guy." And I know that kind of response wouldn't be so frank and open, but if you've ever had acne, you can tell when people look at you like there is something wrong with you...and an experience like that would probably bust any self-confidence I've got. Anyhow, my questions are: how would you handle this? We joke around a lot, I kind of want to mention it to her beforehand in a message before we meet, but then part of me says, 'just don't say anything, show up and be confident in who you are.' To the women reading this, how would you feel (considering our ages) if a guy shows up to a first date, different from expectations? Would it be off putting? Change your opinion? Would you want to know beforehand to lessen the 'shock'? Thanks to anyone who read this and chimes in.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2018):
 Send her some more photos if you are this worried about it. Personally if it was me I wouldn't be shocked with acne and neither would it put me off! I am not shallow in the slightest. Maybe some other girls are different though, so if you want to feel more confident in meeting her then send her another photo that shows more of you.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 February 2018):
All you can do is go and if it's not meant to be it not meant to be. There's a hundred reasons she might like it dislike you, acne is just one.
By the way, you may want to look into a ketogenic diet "keto"for treating acne. Apparently it works for a lot of people, as well as there bring a whole host of other benefits. I'm sure you already know over the counter medications don't work.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 February 2018):
 First of, if I were you I'd send her some more "honest" pictures. That way you won't get the reaction you fear. She will either accept you AS you are or walk away before you meet up and invest more time and emotions into this.
People use "filters" on everything. Seriously. So the notion of just showing up and being confident is also OK.
Personally, I would just slip in some genuine photos.
There is nothing to be ashamed off. Acne is rarely due to people not taking care of themselves.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (5 February 2018):
 My advice is just show up, be you, be confident or better yet just be COMFORTABLE with who you are. You dont need permission to love yourself as you are, show up, have fun, give her an amazing date, be the best version of yourself , and thats all you can really do on the date. The right girl for you would not care about adult acne, etc. Good luck and i hope we get an update !
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