A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What is it called when your husband doesnt plan a date, not even have inisiative to take you out, always snapped at me whenever he feels uncomfortable talking with me, seldom initiate sex and i think he masturbated when he takes a bath? I dont want to conclude that he is cheating. He is an ambitious husband with huge drive to succeed. 90 percent of the time he did that to me because of his work. He seldom have time for us. We dont have any quality time as we have different schedule. He works long hour from afternoon to midnight. He has bad tempered because of work preassure, doesnt have time because he is too busy, and too tired for sex. I can see his business is growing. Add more workers and delivery cars because he got more and more customers. I can see his hardwork. I can understand his effort. But i think he used that as a reason to took me for granted. Whenever i ask him to take me out for lunch or dinner he will hesistantly brings me and complained about the traffics as it is my fault. He try to give me guilty preassure i think. Sometimes he even make a reason to avoid taking me out. Like he doesnt have time or he cant make it in time but actually he arrived home on time but not informing me about his arrival. I mean he stay in the basement playing games in his phone where i dont know when he arrived. But when i tell him my parent invite him for dinner or i have event invitation that i need him to accompany me then he will always make sure to accompany me although we dont stay until it last and he continues to work. He told me once that all his motivation to be success is for us. He wants to give me a life that i always wanted because he still cant afford it now. I can see he is very open and generous with his money with me. He allows me to use his money as i wish and worry if i had not enough money when im go out. But on the other side i think his prime motivation for his hardwork is he wants to be indipendently secure in his financial as his parent is a control freak that will control his life if he still depend on them. He loves freedom. He used to be very caring man when we first dating. He has difficulty to show his feelings. Usually he shows his love by his gestures and surprises. We been together for almost a decade and married less than a year. He changes a lot. When i try to discuss about what i feel. He thinks i always complain that im lonely and negative thinking and a nagging wife. He said he used to feel so comfortable to me that he dreams to marry me but he says im changed. He says i become a nagging and complaining woman that make him uncomfortable around me. Yet he still stay with me? I know he has strong commitment. Whenever we have arguments and i give him silent treatment he seems indifferent. When we calm down i asked him do he thinks about to cheat on me when we have a fight? Because i honestly have that thought several times. He said no he usually distract his thought by keep busy with things and avoid me. He keep telling me that when his business is stable he will spend more time with me. Part of me understand his struggle as a start up. His dedication and effort. But i keep feeling unloved and very lonely in this marriage. Seems like he took me for granted and we cant communicate normally as it will mostly become an argument. I think we both have resentment towards each other. He thinks i dont support him enough and i think he took me for granted as theres no differences im there or not. Am i true that it is not healty for our relationship if we dont have quality time and he always snapped at me when we talk. He used that to stop me from talking more. So i cant discuss anything, how can we get better?
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ambition, money, unloved Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2018): You area making excuses for a grown man, he isn't a child anymore he is full adult. You can not mother nor should you bother to try to change a situation if the other party is not ant acceptable to it. If the marriage is that draining on you it would best to separate and take some time to yourself and find what makes you happy.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2018):
 You can't. Nothing seems to ever change, you have been giving so much good advice on here from lots of people. Yet nothing changes. It is probably best that you end this marriage and move back home if you are not happy. Nothing in married life makes you happy, your husband, your inlaws, living in their house ect. It might be best to go back to being single and figure out what you want in life.
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