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male
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anonymous
writes: hey, basically i'm in a bit of a mess...i posted a couple of days ago about whether or not i should tell me ex (whom i live with) that i still had feelings for her. I decided on saying nothing, which was probably for the best. Well, this basically leads me to my next problem. On thursday, me, my ex and my other female flat mate went for a night out. Anyways, we were all having a class time, dancing and stuff, long story short, we ended up having a threesome.Now, I was handling this amazingly until today. Basically I think i've made it pretty obvious to my housemates and my ex that I still have feelings for her, despite my best efforts to hide them. Unwittingly it seems I have neglected attention to the other female housemate, and as such I think she and my ex have turned on me, I feel like I'm being used, but I'm just too much of a sucker to stand up and say anything because, they will deny it to my face. So instead I just sit there and take it like a sucker, which kind of translates to me as me being kind of sleazy, i'm getting really paranoid, as they keep whispering to each other when its just me and them in the room and really snide comments keep heading my way. This wouldn't be so bad if I had someone to talk to, but I can't even tell my best friend (who is also a housemate of mine) for obvious reasons.These 2 girls are supposed to be my friends, and we have been through loads together, it just confuses me how women can be so cold. I messed up badly tonight, by going all quiet, then tried to combat it by making stupid sleazy jokes about that night. Basically I'm an idiot, and I can't win against 2 girls together, I am outnumbered and definately outgunned. I fear our friendships may be forever tainted, and I would love to get out of this easily and stop feeling for my ex, but I do tend to fluctuate emotionally.Any advice on how to deal with this situation, or on how to get over my ex while living with her would be great. Should I go and talk to a professional about this, and yes my ego is definately scarred, and although I always forgive I rarely forget. Please feel free to comment on any part of this, be it focusing on myself or the situation, impartial input at this moment would be invaluable and stop me saying or doing something stupid. :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006):
I'd *guess* these girls must see you in a certain way- not in the "friend-zone" but not as a serious relationship.
They're probably all cold because they dont know whats going on and how to act in this situation either. Is someone supposed to move out?
The thing to do is get the housemate on the side and get at least one beer into her. While you are doing the laundry or whatever- doesnt matter.
Ask for help. People like being asked for help. Say "I really need your help Irma..." You are appointing her as a source of wisdom and people try to live up to those kind of things. She has obviously been talking to the ex and knows what is going on from her side. Tell her how you feel and how you think you keep making mistakes. Tell her you "dont know what to do". That means she'll be working for you figuring out what to do.
Doing this should should get you some feedback about what the ex was thinking and if she sees you together. And the roommate will probably tell the ex how you feel taking your side. The ex might come in a talk with you in a couple of days and clear things up.
At least you'll know where you stand.
The only thing that could go wrong is if the housemate was mooning away over you and this was the ex's way of trying to pass the baton.
One day this will seem funny. So take pictures now ;-)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): "These 2 girls are supposed to be my friends," Well, you sure have a strange way of interacting with your friends. If you had trouble in your relationship with your ex, why would you think that ex + 1 would yield fewer problems?
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