A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:my bf of 3 years wants to get adsl internet for his studies, the problem is that the account is going to be under my name, and i am concerned about the material he will be downloading once he get the adsl internet, in the past we have had adsl internet and he would spend so much time on it and i also noticed he started downlaoding porn, not only do i find it hurtful that he would downlaod that kind of thing but also im kinda of embrassed considering that he might be downloading this porn while its all under my name. i have tried to talk to him of my concerns about his porn viewing in the past, at the moment we dont have the internet and he gets videos and pics off his friends, we hardly have sex at all anymore and he gets off to porn more then 10 times a month, and i am lucky to get anything atleast once a month, i am very lonly and i feel like he does not like me anymore in that way. please dont bother leaving a answer if your going to go on about how porn is just like beer or that its normal or that it will improve our sex life, because i already know all of that is just crap. what can i say to him so he can understand how bad it hurts my feelings?, in the past i tried talking to him in a calm way but he just stops talkng to me or tells me to get over it or denies and says its not his. what can i say or do to get him to understand. i dont want to have to leave him over something like this, but i cant continue being neglected sexually because of his own selfish reasons.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 November 2006):
 Look for an internet service provider that provides porn-blocking as a service. Then get adsl from them and have that service switched on... under your account name and password (that your boyfriend doesn't know). That should mean he can use the connection for work but not for porn.
Other than that it really does sound like porn is causing problems in your relationship... as it is apt to do. You need to make it clear to him that you will leave him if he doesn't change his habits, and most importantly you have to mean it. If you really mean it then he'll believe you, and you'll know whether he thinks you are worth it or not.
Remember that porn can be very adictive to men, and it may take him a while to get off it. Have compassion for him: if he honestly wants to stop then it is good to help him and have patience. But if he is just saying he wants to stop to placate you, then take a hard line.
Good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006):
I think you have a hold the wrong problem.
Lets supposed you both lost your sex drive tomorrow.
Take the "he is being selfish" and "my needs arent being met" out of the picture.
How would your relationship be then? Would you have anything to talk about? Any shared activities? Any reason for you two to be living together other than sharing the expense and the dsl bill?
You left a short note and I am guessing about your relationship from it- you'll be able to judge if I am right or wrong, but I dont think there is much there to start with. You are hoping that if you eliminate porn he'll have to turn back to you... I'm not so sure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): Is your boyfriend a substance abuser, or a former addict of sorts? He has an addictive personality, and porn is his choice of addiciton. The prognosis is not good here, he needs help, and he needs to not be in a relationship with anyone while he learns to turn away from porn and engage in real life relationships with real women.
My advice to you is to leave this guy, this sounds like it is a very unfullfilling relationship for you and very damaging to your self esteem as a woman.
You don't deserve that as this has nothing to do with you...just get out now and move on, you can't change this for him by telling him how you feel, he does not care, and the reason he is turning to porn has nothing to do with his lack of awareness about how you feel about it. Get it?:
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): men who view porn are pretty pathetic.It causes soooo many problems in relationships (at least when the women has enough self respect for herself and other women to see how porn contributes to the degrading of women in general) besides the fact that most of the women in porn were sexually abused as kids....pretty sick that men get of on these poor souls I think.....Three things I cant stress enough....PORN IS NOT NORMALALL MEN DO NOT VIEW PORNWOMEN AND MEN WITH SELF RESPECT ANMD COMPASSION DO NOT SUPPORT THIS INDUSTRY
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