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female
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anonymous
writes: Well i have been at this company for a few years..i always thought this one guy was good looking and had a good personality as well..just genuinly friendly it seems and very good at work--remains focused and motivated..he is pretty popular in the office as well..does get attention and i am very quiet..i socialize here and there but mostly just shy.I have been kind of down lately at work, not looking good more than usual..different problems going on..he actually approached me casually last week and asked are u ok? and i said yea and he was like are you sure, you promise? and i didn't really say anything to that..he then approached me later and like sat on the opposite end of me and said i am more quiet than usual and he knows something is wrong and he offered to take me out for a drink to talk..and i said maybe..and he said he would ask again before leaving..it turns out a coworkers offered him baseball tickets though which of course he should go to and he did..no hard feelings there since i didn't even completely agree anyway.We went out the other night with coworkers..for some reason i had it in my head where i wanted to get to be alone with him..i think some part of me always had a little crush on him but most times at work i know that i look bad b/c i don't spend alot of time getting ready in the morning.The night we were going out i came to work i think looking pretty so i would be a little more confident etc...And for some reason I did have it in my head that i wanted to kiss him tonight and spend time with him...i really didn't think it would happen though or if he was even attracted to me...towards the end of the evening he approached me and said something and then said do i want to do a shot and i said sure..so we wind up at the bar by ourselves..it looked like most of the coworkers left..it seems like he was attracted to me..he placed his hand on my back once, leaned in closer when i couldnt hear what he was saying where he was pretty close to my mouth..He was talking about going home to have another drink rather than be at the bar til closing and i casually said i would go with u and join you..which is pretty brazen i guess..i said it once or twice and he said you are welcome to come if you want. I was at his place once before as a group and of course nothing happened.When we left i didn't think it was going to happen but he got a cab and opened the door for me and we both got in and headed to his place. I just felt comfortable with him i guess..we did wind up making out at his place..the kisses seemed more sensual and soft..but before anything happened we were laying down together and he said my name and like what am i doing here in a casual/nice way..and i said do you want me to go and he said no if i didn't want you here i wouldn't have invited you. And i said i just wanted to spend time with you. I don't know who kissed who first but i really enjoyed it..Things got somewhat physical but nothing where i need to have a test done or anything..my clothes stayed on;his didn't for the most part.. i remained strong with my will power not to sleep with him even though i wanted to.I feel like i was too emotional though and maybe that took a lot of points away from me?....maybe i should have had more fun with the situation and joked more...i felt like i blew it with me saying i just wanted to spend time with u, when we kissed i put my emotions in it..i touched his face while we kissed, kissed his neck. Is that too much or just a kissing style?.... When we were laying on the bed and i sat up to look at him he was being sweet..he kept playing with my hair and pushing it out of my face and tucked it behind my ear..he did say that he was concerned about me the past few days and i said well ur the only one..noone else notices and he said maybe they aren't looking...i also said to him well i guess you are attracted to me. I also moined that tiny slightly bit like that feels good when we kissed..he joked later saying good for me with my willpower lolWe spoke about how the next day was going to be and he said it is going to be weird and he almost feels bad but he gets the sense i wanted to come here tonight too and it wasn't just him and i agreed..and he said but i will come in, in the morning and say what i always say to you and you will say the same. When laying down he did kissed my forehead once, he did tell me i am very pretty.I think i hinted at wanting to hang out again or talk etc but i don't think he was completely open like ok here is my number lets hang out again soon which kind of disappointed meI did ask if he wanted to sleep with me tonight and he said he would have done whatever i wanted to do. He did try to push things along when we were making out but not in this aggressive type way. I told him i did want to sleep with him as well.The next day we came in like normal..he said the things he usually said to me..later on he asked if we were cool and i said yea..when i left i said goodnight to him and the person he shares the room with but as walking by we locked eyes for that second.i also hate how i forgot to shave this morning b/c i was tired and at one point we kind of ran into each other and he was behind me walking and later on i noticed i missed a big spot on the back of my leg and i almost freaked out thinking maybe he saw that..my friend said what are the chances he is noticing hair on your legs. I also have vericose veins.Regardless..was i too emotional? i kind of wish i can hang out with him again but it doesn't look like that is going to happen..i just wanted to spend more time with him regardless of where it led...Also, there is a guy in the office he is good friends with i think..he is sort of a player but he is actually pretty funny and we joke around and make fun of each other a little..i was thinking maybe if i became more good friends with this guy, i would get invited to more things where the guy i like will be..because they hang out on the weekends even..maybe it will make him jealous a little, i don't know..Also that player still thinks i am with my b/f which i am not..i just didn't want to explain to everyone..its been a few months since he asked but if he does again i was thinking of telling him and in that way maybe he will want to invite me to more group things.Is this a good idea?
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at work, co-worker, crush, jealous, kissing, player, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (4 July 2010):
 You're really overanalyzing the situation, don't worry so much about small details and what he might think. He might've picked up on that at some point and found it off-putting. Try to keep your conversations and overall attitude towards him light and casual.
I agree with GabeP, playing games isn't going to attract him. He'll be more drawn to you when you come across as confident and relaxed, so why not casually ask him if he'd like to go out for drinks again (without your coworkers, of course)?
A
male
reader, GabeP +, writes (4 July 2010):
Long story, ma'am. I'm not sure this is responsive, but I would relax a little bit. It feels kinda like you're scheming to hang out with him and it just doesn't seem that's necessary. If he was willing to take his pants off, he either thought you were OK or he's a grade A jerk.
I wouldn't worry about playing through the friend - I'd just see if he wants to go out for biscuits n' gravy. If he's into you, you won't need to trick him into being with you. Just wear something nice, be warm and kind to him, and ask him out! It'll probably work better than you might think.
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