A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for ten months now. Hes amazing. Hes always taking care of me and i know he really really loves me and does not want to ever lose me.However, i started to date him insted of another guy at the begining of the relationship. I basicly chose him over this other guy and this other guy has been hanging around ever since. He also is really in love with me and when i think of love, and before i go to sleep i think of him and only sometimes i think of my boyfriend like that.But when with my boyfriend i completely disregard the other guy and i fall in love with the boyfriend.The other guy and myself have more in common. Hes very deep and artsy, where as my boyfriend is very prctical and money and goal orientated.I always thought we balance each other out and i think we make a great couple when together but the other guy ive had a crush on for four years and has been chasing me for a long time.Friends say himself and myself are meant to be. sounds simple but it isnt. I dont want to lose my boyfriend as a friend and i want me and the other guy to work out, otherwise i'll lose him as a friend and all my other friends in his circle of friends and that would kill me!both men are a good bit older than me and so my boyfriend has bagage, ie. 2 kids, one which was only born 7 months ago. he has also cheated on me once.My friend knows EVERYTHING about me, i trust him with my life and i know him very very well. he is easily my best male friend. i can tell him anything but if it does not work out i dont know what i would do if i lost him. please shine some light on the situation, i really dont know where else to turn!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): I've been in a similar situation a few years ago.
You need a time out from both of them. SERIOUSLY I made a BIG mistake by stopping goin out with my bf to be with the other guy.
Take a time out and try not to see either of them for a while until you work out what you want. If I myself had been cheated on, I should think I would have got rid straight away after finding out but this doesn't seem like it affected your relationship, and that suggests to me that this relationship between you and your bf is a strong one.
You need time by yourself. Please take this advice from someone who messed up in your situation.
Tell your boyfriend that you need some time to re-discover yourself, that you're not breaking up with him but you need time to think things through - say the same thing to the other guy.
Whichever relationship seems to be the one that will last -choose that one. But if you love your boyfriend and he loves you... PLEASE don't break up with him for someone you fancy.
Take a time out, see how you feel.
xx
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