A
male
age
41-50,
*lue.Streak
writes:Hm, where to begin? Not quite sure if this falls under relationships, possibly more for dating, and it's not completely a question either, but anyway... The problem I have has been with me since my first days at nursery school (I'm now in my late 20s). I am completely terrified of going up in front of large crowds. Especially at school, in a class of 15 kids who I know, I could not get up in front of the class to perform a speech or presentation etc, because I was always too scared. In the present, I have recently started going out to a gentleman's club with my mate, his mates and my girlfriend. This is a new place to me, full of people who I don't know, and who don't know me. But everyone else knows everybody. It's like a large family, everyone knows each other. The problem is, while I enjoy going out, my enjoyment is pretty much obliterated once everyone goes up to the front and start to dance. Yes, to dance. My mate, his mates, my girlfriend, everyone... but me. It's not entirely because I can't dance (because I can't) but because of the large number of people who are watching. Because of this, my girlfriend ends up dancing with my mate (or one of his) because I'm such a yellow-belly, I can't go up there with them. Seeing them do this without caring who's watching, or what people think, as if it's second nature to them really upsets me, and I wonder 'why the hell can't I do that to'? Having the feeling that a 100-head strong crowd of people is staring at me while I'm up there, like they're watching and judging me, really terrifies me. Granted, there was already about 50 people all dancing at the same time, so I could've just blended in and not get noticed. At one point, my girlfriend asked me if I wanted to go up with the rest of them, and I said: 'You can if YOU want to'. Really?? Who says that? I may as well have just flat-out said No. So she went up on her own. I felt like a dick. I kept saying to myself, go up there, go up there. But my legs just never got the message. Even my girlfriends aunt tried to persuade me to dance her (aunt), as practice. But even then, when she tried to get me off my chair, my hands clamped onto the seat as if my life depended on it. I could not let go. Every time they all go up, I have to turn away, because I can't bear seeing it. I hate it. I know it's entirely my fault, with me being a complete chicken when it comes to simple things that others can do without a problem, but try as I might, I just can't get over it. I keep saying to myself, 'it's no big deal. What's the problem? You're not the only one to be up there dancing.' But no. I don't know what it is; whether it's the feeling of being watched, being judged, laughed at, looking like an idiot in front of strangers, I don't know. I need to get over it, but I don't know how. Does anyone else have a fear like this? Or has any of you managed to get over it? I need help, and a lot of it. Hmm, that's was a bit longer than I thought it would be. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (3 January 2011):
 hi
my ex boyfriend had the exact same problem and he felt like he really wanted to dance but felt far too self concious. i guarantee everyone is not gonna be looking at you, in fact you probably draw more attention to yourself by sitting alone as all your friends dance or by the spectacle of someone trying to drag you off your chair while you cling onto it. maybe you could take your girlfriend out just the two of you to somewhere that not everyone knows you and dance with her there, just to get you accustomed to it. i am sure that as soon as you do it for the first time, it will then feel much easier
xx
A
male
reader, Blue.Streak +, writes (3 January 2011):
Blue.Streak is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK, you know what? This question is now invalid. By pure irony, my girlfriend text me this morning, the day I wrote this message, to say that she now only wants us to be friends. Life is a bitch, eh? Go figure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): hey. its nothing to be ashaimed of there are plenty of people who are affraid to get infront of a crowd.
may i suggest dancing lessons, if your worried about dancing in a class then try and get a privet instructer.
you are with your friends you should try and get more confedent around them. if they are true friends they wont be mean about you. i think next time you are out maybe have a little bit more to drink to get more confedence (not abserlutly drunk though)
i say you get up and just have fun i know it will be weird and unconfterble at first but hopfully soon you will feel more relaxed and maybe get to know everyone a little bit better x
good luck x
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