A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.As the title states, i've really fallen in love with my best friend but she is engaged and i have no idea what i should do next!A little information....I have known this girl for just under 2 years now. She's only a year older then me. she very shy. her fiance is the same age as her.We have started to hang out with each other and text and talk alot on the phone, we had alot of plans going on.We are now like best friends. The only problem is her fiance. They have been togethor for 4 years, he is her first, since high school. I've never met him and have no intensions to either, and she knows that. He found out about me and her but was cool with her having a friend, he didnt like her hanging out or talking to me but its her choice not his.About 3 weeks ago i told her how i felt about her. i tried to tell her face-to-face but i froze and it continued via text and then on msn messanger that night.i fully opened up to her. she said that she was flattered that i felt that way about her and she really apreciated my honesty. i felt like an idiot.she simply put it that she would love to still be friends and that nothing changes between us and that all she can do right now is friends "i cant do anything more".the next day her fiance stole her phone, seen all the text messages and flipped out. they broke up, wedding was off, and she didnt talk to anyone for a whole week! they were still togethor, sort of, through out that week, trying to sort things out.she finaly contacted me and told me that she loves him and that she has tried to put herself in a situation where their not togethor anymore and she said that she'll be misserable without him.what ive found with her is that she likes to take the easy steps and not hurt people.she still wants to be friends, best friends, but he keeps getting in the way.he is now trying to control her, he's constantly ringing her and pressuring her. he keeps asking if shes with me or seen me. she's not a good lier at all.he has threatend her with that if she see's me, talks to me or even mentions my name again then the marriage is over and hes out of her life for good.he gave her a choice, me or him. she dosnt want to loose me and she dosnt want to break up the marriage.so right now their back togethor (i think) still trying to work things out and were not talking much, im trying to get her to talk but she never texts back or gets online anymore scared incase he finds out, but shes dieing to talk to me again and she says she misses how we used to be.i still text her each night saying good night to her, she still wants me to do that.so right now i dont know what to do.i still see her a couple times a week at her work but the conversation just isnt like what it used to be. we could used talk for hours about anything!she dosnt like how we've ended up parting and dosnt like that hes doing this to her.so, im stuck on what to do. i miss her loads!! and i love her! i care about her and love seeing her smile, talking and hanging out with her. and i just want it all back again.so right now im all ears and will take any comments anyone can give me!! please!its probably obvious what i should do, just go in for the kill. tell her how much of an arsehole her boyfriend is and that she should just leave him. but i dont want to hurt her or cross the line and i defiently do not want to loose her!!even though it would be extreamly tough, i would rather be just friends with her then loose her all togethor, but her fiance just isnt allowing any of it!but i love talking about her and being with her. and i do feel she is 'the one'.im sorry for the long ass post, but i dont really have anybody to talk to about this.but like i said, i welcome (and could need) anybodies help on this matter!!thanks in advance!!
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best friend, broke up, engaged, fiance, msn, shy, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): I agree with the person above, you need to back off, I feel in love with my best friend after he broke up with his girlfriend. We were so close to starting to date, and then all the sudden hes engaged to his ex. I just said, well that, looks like if he perfers this bitch *and she is very cruel to him* over me, so be it, I dont want someone like that, you need to find a girl, and who knows, maybe this girl will make her realize she likes you more than she thought, MAYBE NOT, who knows, love is a crazy sick sick thing, and it is not to be taken lightly!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): oh, and thankyou for your reply, i appreciate it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): he knew about us. he knew that we were hanging out and that we were talking alot. she always told him. we have never done anything that you could call as "cheating".
me and her both sorted it out, we were just going to be close friends. but then he found out we talked about it and flipped out.
she told him that were just friends and that she will carry on talking to me.
i havnt 'refused' to meet him, i just have no intenstoins to meet him, and i think if we did meet it probably wouldnt go down well, i dont mean a fight or anything but i dont see any plus side to it now. he has never asked to meet me, even when me and her were hanging out (which he knew about).
she would always ask him if it was cool if she went somewhere with me, and he just say thats fine but dont be late out.
but then he stole her phone, seen a text the night before about how i felt (which didnt have any detail in it at all) and now he wont even allow her to know me.
so yes, right now we kind of talk behind his back (a little) because shes worried incase he finds out.
i see where hes comming from, but she's not exactly cheating on him and she has told him everything. its not like it was a huge shock to him when he seen the phone, he knew that we talked alot. she would even text me when he was with her.
yes, if her heart lies with him and thats what she wants, to get married, then it aint my place to get in between them break them up. and yes i do want her to be happy! but i just do not want to lose her all togethor either, especialy not like this.
and this aint jelousy either. when i first met her i knew there was somthing there, its like we clicked, we just started talking since day one. i've alwayshad feelings for her, from the first time i seen her. and i didnt even know she had a boyfriend untill about 6 months later, but during that time i didnt really know her as well as i know her now. back then we would just be talking when ever i seen her at her works.
i care alot for her and like i said i would prefer to be just friends then loose her all togethor, but even thats hard now.
i think when i see her again i will try to talk to her about it all. i just feel really depressed about it all now, i just dont know whats going on anymore and i wish i could talk to her propperly again.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (17 April 2008):
You aren't thinking about it from his point of view at all. How would you feel if you were going to marry someone, spend the rest of your life with them, and then they got close to someone else. This other guy refused to meet you and was constantly trying to talk to your girl.
You wouldn't like it but you wouldn't stop it because you trust her. Then this other guy tries to steal her from you, and she insists on keeping seeing him, talking to him behind your back, he's still texting her every night.
Wouldn't you get mad and demand she decided who she wants. I don't think he has done anything any differently than anyone would.
No wonder he's angry. If he was a real arsehole he'd have been round at your house threatening to kill you, but he hasn't. He's just asked her to be faithful to him and not lead you on.
You need to think about what you care about more. Do you want her to be happy, or do you want her to be with you?
Tell her you need her to decide, him or you. You can't carry on sniffing around her for ever, hoping she'll change her mind about how much she likes you. That isn't fair on you or them.
If she says she want to marry this guy then you need to back off and leave her to it. You can't break these people up because you are jealous. If she says she doesn't want you as more than a friend then you need to cut contact for a while and go away and get over her. Find someone who loves you back, who wants you as more than a gay best friend.
A true friend would let her marry the man she loves, not ruin it.
Good Luck!! xx
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