A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in relationship with this girl, i know beyond doubt that she loves me but i did not love her that much, until I traveled out of my country now i started having the feelings i never had for her, i have discovered that i love her, but we are now apart, if i should i ask her to wait for me? I am a kind of confused, can this be true love or something? i know the feeling is very strong now. someone help me please. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): I think before you do or say anything to your ex girlfriend you need to establish your own feelings. Especially as you have already been in a relationship with her, and on your own omission, you didn't feel that much for her.
Your present feelings could be due to:
1. You are away from what is familiar to you ( travelling) and your ex presents memories of your home and life there.
2. Absence makes the heart grow stronger ( old saying)As it's a known fact, what we can't have, or in your case due to distance is no longer available, can be very attractive.
3. You do actually have genuine feelings for her, LOVE, which until now you had not realized.
All the above are feasible, but FIRST you need to KNOW which of the above applies to you. The only way to do that I'm afraid is to reflect, and think about what it is NOW that is prompting your current feelings. Ask yourself, why you didn't have these feelings when you were with her, what is the difference between now and then. I also think it's important to let these feelings of yours ride for a while ( meaning, see how you feel in 2-3 months, are they still as strong, or have they grown further) You don't say how long your travelling for, but I presume longer that a 2 week holiday from your question.
You have to establish clearly what you feel first before saying anything to your ex-girlfriend, as to say anything too soon would be devastating for her, if after you had divulged your feelings for her, for you to back out again.
This is really not about you securing your ex-girlfriend by asking her to wait for you, she is not a commodity, that you put a deposit on, as though she's an item in a shop. She should be free to heal from the split from you, and not be toyed with emotionally, unless you are 100% sure you want to re-kindle your relationship and go forward with her.
Love does not die through distance or being apart for a few months of travelling, NOT IF it's true love. So I would enjoy your travelling, and take this wonderful opportunity to think about your feelings and girlfriend, and if in a couple of months you still feel the same, or when you return home, then perhaps it might be time to contact her and tell her how you feel, but as I say, make sure they're real first.
Have a lovely time wherever you are..and I hope this turns out well for you.
Jilly x
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