A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone! I've recently moved to a new place and started a new job. Pretty quickly I began sleeping with somebody I work with. Normally I'd agree that this is a terrible idea, but we were kind of friends beforehand and came to an agreement - that neither of us wanted a relationship and we were just going to have fun. As I said this conversation happened before we slept together the first time, when we barely knew one another.Since then, we've got a lot closer. We've been sleeping together semi-regularly (maybe a couple of times a month) but see each other a lot since we work together. We're now proper friends. I regard him as the person I'm closest to in my workplace, the sex is great, our relationship is fun and by and by perfect. He comes to me about his family, his news, and I do the same. I have coworkers coming up to me expressing envy about our relationship, and our coworkers love that we sleep together because we're so open and funny about it. It's all great. But here's the rub...I've started having slight feelings for him. I don't know exactly what I want from him, whether it be a relationship or just a date. I don't know. I don't see him much outside of work except for the times we've hooked up. It's very rare that I'll have feelings for someone so when I do, I know I can act kind of intense without meaning to. I'm really aware of that so I constantly fluctuate between "okay, chill out, things are going good, just see where they go and stop being such a psycho about it" and "you need to be honest". I'm also like 99% sure my feelings aren't reciprocated. There's a chance he's bluffing, but I'm not sure he is. I feel like there are times I make these feelings kind of obvious and he seems really uninterested which annoys me more. I also really don't want to ruin what we have because I really do love it and he's such a good friend of mine I'd hate to mess it up.Help!
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male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (15 April 2015):
 You can always ask him and he may say sure and you two could become a couple. It rarely happens but it could. However if he does not reply the way you anticipate, don't be crushed because you two agreed beforehand not to develop feelings so the fact that you did you are violating that agreement. That would be a major contract breaker of which you would be the cause. As for FWB in general, they rarely work. Every guy I know who was in FWB situation never even considered commiting to a girl with whom he was just having sex. When asked why, all of them, and don't be offended, reply that she is "stupid". In fact, my wife's friend has been in FWB with a guy for 4 years and he calls her whenever he needs an orgasm but now, knowing that she is so gullible, is trying to sell his brother's diner to her because she is a professional chef. Naturally, she is trying to line up cash to oblige him hoping he will "love" her back even though the diner is not worth a dime. Of course, she cannot listen to the voice of reason whenever we explain to her how she is being screwed over "feelings" that she has for that looser. Just sharing how FWB girls go so gullible over a user - so beware.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 April 2015):
 This one goes into the category of "it was fun while it lasted."
Keep smiling, keep being funny, but end the 'WB" part of FWB. You're going to wind up hurt as you are already hurt he clearly doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
Or put on the big girl panties and ask him out on a proper date and see how that goes. You risk rejection but think of it this way, at least you'll have put yourself back in control of your life, rather than drift along hoping he'll 'catch feelings' too.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 April 2015):
 Sadly FWB rarely works. And having FWB with a co-worker can be awkward.
I agree that you need to let him know where you stand and how you feel. He may feel the same or he may back off.
If he feels the same then go with the flow and enjoy. One day at a time....
IF he balks at your feelings I would stop sleeping with him but other than that keep it the same....
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (15 April 2015):
It’s already messed up, because FWB never works. Some-one gets attached, and that is often not reciprocated. I’ve found that it happens equally to men and women, and it’s painful. You need to tell him how you feel. I think what you’re saying is that you would like to explore being a proper couple. That would probably start out with dates, so that you can properly talk outside of work and not just have sex. It would be getting th know each other gradually. And if I were you, I’d ditch the sex for a time, then you’ll know if he’s interested. So, I think you should tell him you’re starting to feel something for him and wondering if you should explore dating properly together. It doesn’t have to be really intense or anything like that, just something casual like drinks or a meal. Ask him how he feels about that. If he says no, your choice is to continue with the FWB arrangement, try just being friends without the sex, or keep your distance. I think the friendship probably wouldn’t survive without sex, and there’s a lesson in that. I think you’d realistically be facing the choice of accepting FWB, or cutting your losses altogether with him. So spell it out for him, find out where you stand, and make your decision from there.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2015): Dangerous. What will happen at your workplace if things go downhill?
IF I were you,I'd first concentrate on my career/ job, THEN on him (as this is NOT a relationship).
Too many people know already... BUT:
1) Cut off the sex. See if he stays "your friend" then.
2) Don't bring drama to your workplace. Let him act like a hissy if he so wishes but do NOT reply. Stay cool.
At the slightest "catching of emotions" you should stop. Better to keep your heart and head cool. You're getting annoyed he doesn't reciprocate your feelings? You're already a bit in. Get out before it gets more complicated.
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